Bullying DD14

[WeakLeftFin]

It’s so bad now and I’m getting so much anxiety!
DD14 is a very loving, caring, hyperactive, very talkative and sometimes full on girl. For years she’s been bullied - 5 school moves and still it’s bad. Longest period is now from year 8-10 at her new high school and it is just relentless. She used this summer to change herself, lost a lot of weight, her acne cleared up, she just developed and grew into her own over the summer. Had her belly piercing in, she just looked so different and I know she thought that would help as she wouldn’t be called ‘fat’ anymore.
Just saying bye to her now was so hard. These boys at school are just making her life crap along with the girls. She was teary and said she was nervous. Makes me feel so anxious and bad for her going in but she needs to.
I’m tempted to call the school but she doesn’t want that. I still might without her knowing.
We live in a small town so all the kids know each other which doesn’t go well for her. So I thought it might help if she has friends outside of school and town. So I’ve contacted some drama groups etc to get her to go there a few times a week. Hopefully she makes friends outside of school. So she has a safe haven.

I haven’t watched it yet but I’ve recorded the Little Mix Jesy’s Odd One Out and me and DD are going to watch it tonight. I think schools need to show this in lessons.

Hearing my DD at her breaking point hits me so so hard that one day she might find it too much and because of them I could lose her. It’s so so sad. I just hope one day she gets a break. I hope one day she uses this as a tool and will forget the pain.

I really feel for you. My daughter moved schools due to being bullied. It was so traumatic. It happened again in her new school and so she was home schooled for 7 months. She is now back in school, just starting year 11. Much to our surprise, after being scared and suicidal, she is now like a different girl. She seems stronger than ever and takes no shit from anyone. I think because she has finally found one good friend, this has really boosted her confidence. That, combined with just maturing and finding it easier to not care anymore about the things she used to worry about.

Your post has really resonated with me, because I've been there and it's the hardest thing to see your child upset. I think if you can find your daughter a hobby where she can meet other people it may help. Keep talking to her and letting her know she can come to you with any worries. I would keep the school informed, so that teachers are aware but that might be tricky if your daughter doesn't want you to. Im thinking of you

Thank you!
Bullies do not realise the effect they have on these kids. I’m glad your DD is doing so well now it’s such an awful thing for them to have to go through. Words hurt.

It’s been such a hard road for her. I hate watching her cry.
I just rang the school. I told them what’s going on (hoping she isn’t going to go crazy at me!) I think they are going to pull her aside and just chat to her and see what they can do for her. I think she’s at the end of her tether now with it all. Which worries me so much. I felt bad her going to school today but I know she needs to do it. Because home schooling isn’t an option right now.
I have emailed a few out of school activities in the hopes that she may meet new people who don’t know about the bullying at school and can friend her.
It’s giving me anxiety let alone what she’s feeling right now.

I do think the teachers need to know exactly what's going on. My daughter was allowed a pass to leave class whenever things got to much for her, she was allowed to go to a specific room at lunch time if she wanted and just got a lot more support from the teaching staff. This was in her second school. The first school was beyond useless at dealing with things. If you feel the school are not being supportive or dealing with things ask to see the head teacher. Throw everything you've got at them if you need to and don't be fobbed off. Ask them for anything you think might help her. Sadly, many schools are still ineffective at dealing with bullying. Your daughter sounds lovely and she has you behind her. It's hard but remember things can change a lot during high school and one day it will be a distant memory.

@WeakLeftFin have a look at the kidscape charity website. They offer free courses for children who are the target of bullying. It's a one day session and teaches coping mechanisms etc.

Took my son on one a few years ago, one great thing is they learn they are not alone (as they are with other children experiencing the same), they discuss the bully bystander and target roles within bullying and they do some role play. They come away with activities to practice to help them. They also do a parent session which I found very useful too