Dd 13 and dishonesty- what’s best way to deal with it at this age?

[Hockeyfan]

Looking for suggestions how to handle this
Examples-

1. I put some age limit restrictions on her phone after long chat about internet safety, age appropriate content etc. I find out a few weeks later that she’s disabled them
2. Tells me she’s had her packed lunch at school, and then I’ll find it completely uneaten apart from crisps. Also I’ll find chocolate wrappers stuffed in her pockets/bedroom drawers so she’s presumably filling herself with junk.

We have had many chats before about all of this and she always tells me she won’t do it again

her diet is so appalling (she has a very strong preference for junk food), I’m worried she is not getting nutritionally deficient. She does lots of sports, and I’m thinking of cutting right back on this as a natural consequence

Because of her being 13, not sure how to deal with this. A few years ago would have been easy, and wouldn’t have hesitating in using a straightforward approach of punishments etc (by that i mean phone withdrawal etc). However now I am trying to use a more reasoned approach with lots of discussions on healthy eating, screen time dangers etc but feel like I’m failing :(

Following incase you get any tips about the bedroom junk drawer. Ds1 drives dh & I mad with this. I can't work out why he doesn't just throw the sandwich in the bloody bin if he doesn't want it.

Just keep educating her.
I show my kids any news article that comes up about the effects of too much junk food, too much screen time, and anything else that’s an issue.
This is just to show them that I’m not nagging them to make their life difficult but because I want them to have a good healthy life.
Get her to start doing her own packed lunch but oversee it so it’s not full of junk.
Or ask her to read something like the nhs guide to healthy lunches and if she can come up with some she likes

Things like rubbish - just tell them to collect it all and throw it in the bin daily.
Sometimes we just have to manage the situation and hope they’ll eventually learn.
www.nhs.uk/change4life/recipes/healthier-lunchboxes

Don't cut back on her sport if she's eating loads of junk.

she does lots of sports, and I’m thinking of cutting right back on this as a natural consequence

How is cutting back sport a natural consequence?

Cut back on money if she is wasting it on junk food. Don't have junk food in the house. Provide healthy meals and if she doesn't eat them no snacks.

Don’t cut back on sports!!

If she does a lot of sport can you get someone to talk to one of her groups about the link between nutrition and performance? She won’t listen to you on this but she might listen to a coach or a pro they bring in for a talk. The lying about packed lunch, eating crap and fiddling with age limit restrictions all sounds like standard being a teenager behaviour.

A natural consequence of her doing unhealthy things is to stop her doing healthy things?
Don't make food a battle. Don't make consquences around food related. She's 13 if she wants to fill up on junk then as long as she's spending her own money it (which you can reduce) then let her. Make healthy food available, talk about good choices and let her control her own body and make bad choices.
Also big up exercise and make sure she's happy.
Leave the food alone.
Internet - what did she do without the restrictions? Did she take the restrictions off but then be sensible or did she do anything dangerous?
Control the wifi, control her data allowance, computer needs to stay in a family area.

Thanks- some great suggestions here
Definitely good idea to get one of her sports teachers/coaches to do a nutrition talk. Also like the idea of her taking charge of her own packed lunch- and having healthier options for her to pick from

The reducing sports option- I get what others are saying but also think I may not have explained fully

She’s very good at one of her sports which she absolutely loves and spends several hours a week training. Despite all the sugary snacks she consumes, she’s skinny (though not underweight I think) . I worry that as she’s prob not getting any calcium, iron etc. (As she’s not into dairy) etc). So therefore worry about the extra demands on her body, bone health etc etc

Did you read about that poor boy who has gone blind and deaf due to a very restricted diet? Perhaps you could show her this article about it?

Yes I saw that- that’s a good idea to show her
She does seem to have that sort of eating pattern with mainly eating processed food, though not as extreme restriction

If you’re specifically worried about calcium, you could try something like these supplements from boots that work out at £4 for a months worth.

I think you should focus on her eating a good breakfast and dinner and chill out a bit about the junk - they all go through this phase and you sound slightly obsessed - although maybe that's just the vibes I've picked up on - your behaviour may encourage secret eating and shameful feelings about eating certain foods. Tread carefully.