How messy are your teenagers?

[PookieDo]

I am sick of hearing my own voice telling them to clean their rooms up to be honest.

The rest of the house is pretty tidy clean and organised of my choice, and I can deal with dirty bathrooms and a bit of a messy kitchen, it is life. They also do help in the main house often, and have particular jobs. So their gross mess doesn’t spill out into other areas.

I know it is a teenager thing to have a messy room, and as they are the only ones who sleep in there and I never have to go in, I have tried to take a step back.

But we now have a dog (adopted from family so he didn’t have to go to rescue). Dogs and messy bedrooms do not mix. I am having to battle with the poor dog and my DD’s. They won’t clean their rooms properly or frequently, and leave the doors open. The dog gets let upstairs (by them) and I find this so stressful and irresponsible. They love the dog but seem to think it’s ok, because he is not supposed to go in there. He’s a dog - if he smells something he will try to get it, so he does go in there when he can!

Last night was final straw - one DD thought she had left some fucking paracetamol on the floor - I was so angry, it could kill the dog. We searched for it and found it. But she had left some used sanitary towels in her bin and the door open and the dog got into the bin. It was GRIM. All their clean clothes are on the floor mixed up with the dirty ones and there is always a smell upstairs. I say no plates upstairs a million times - there are always plates, and the dog gets really wound up by left over food. I have tried removing their bedroom bins, but then this means that there are carrier bags of rubbish laying around so I gave the bins back

Any helpful suggestions how to get them to be more responsible about it?

Sorry - I’m no use, have been struggling with this for a while too - dd not so bad but ds15... mind you, I was worse...
I’m ok now though

My 21 year old is terrible, he’s home from uni and I ignore it for as long as I can then lose my shit completely!!
My 19 year old is the opposite, he comes home from uni saying how frustrating it is having messy housemates and cannot understand how people don’t want to keep their stuff nice.

They have been brought up exactly the same so I just try and accept they are different personalities (and won’t be coming home forever!)

Not helpful but I’ve been lucky with all my DC. When they reached secondary school i refused to help them clean their rooms and they’ve kept them so tidy. Obviously every now and again they’ll end up with a load of clothes over their chair but on the whole i’ve been pleasantly surprised.

Does your DD have friends over? Maybe encourage her to invite someone over so she has to clean or she’ll be embarrassed. Just a thought.

Oldest was horrendous, youngest total opposite.
It passes. Oldest is ridiculously houseproud in her flat now, flies at you with a coaster if you try to put your cup down anywhere 😁.

I was struggling with this, and spoke to my counsellor - she suggested that I just ignore their rooms, leave them to it, and make sure that basic rules apply to the rest of the house (loading dishwasher, no food except at tables etc).

It's very freeing! I don't even look in the messiest rooms. The doors stay shut (one of my teens is very house proud which is fine). Their beds don't get changed unless they do it. Their clothes get washed when they bring them down. It's great! No nagging.

And I have a dog, but have a stairgate, so no dogs upstairs.

I hear you, sister! Particularly with the dog and the dirty plates. DS 14 is a bugger for this. I got so fed up over the summer (the rule is NO FOOD upstairs and he ignores it) that I swept in when he was out one day, cleaned his entire room and took the XBox controllers away until we had a serious talk.

Upshot is, if he can't keep the basic bedroom rule which is don't eat in there and drop your dirty clothes into the washbasket that is IN the bloody bedroom then he loses his XBox until he's cleaned up.

It's working so far.

in my house, tidy bedroom and a few chores around the house is linked to pocket money. Surprisingly, teen DD has a reasonable tidy / clean room.
AND the best thing ever: since she has started to bring her boyfriend home, the room is immaculate!!! 👏👏👏

I don’t go in the rooms I don’t touch anything I never change their beds and before we got the dog I turned a blind eye except for the food thing. But now the dog is here I am finding it is winding me up so much! Then he is whining and getting into all kinds of mischief that could be avoided

They will clean up if someone is coming round but it’s still not actually that clean or nice or organised.

Sadly keeping the bedroom door shut is the best approach that I have found. I feel your pain.

I don't look.

They are not too bad, not clean and tidy by any stretch of the imagination. Old food on plates does come back to the kitchen but empty plates pile up, until an amnesty is needed because we've run out.

The dog cause more problems with food, as she likes to hide food. DS1 once got into bed and squished his foot in half a quiche the dog had bird in under is duvet

I laughed out loud at the quiche 😂😂😂😂

Ddog does not hide food but he tries to eat sanitary towels and he is clumsy so whatever he thinks he has got hold of he will usually knock onto the floor, then decide he doesn’t like it after all and walk off and leave it

I tried giving Ddog a lick mat covered in peanut butter earlier. Didn’t want it. Grabbed a spicy pepper from DD’s plate she left on the coffee table though

Mine is so messy round the house its unbelievable. Chucks shoes off in the middle of the lounge, dumps her bag and coat on the settee. Kitchen is a bombsite if she makes anything. Doesnt shut cupboard doors and if she cant find something she just empties the contents of her bag/drawer/cupboard until she finds it then leaves everything all over. She leaves crisp bags and rubbish wherever she has finished eating it.
Her room however is spotless, she hates 'stuff' around so there is no clutter, she changes her own bed, does her own washing mostly.
I keep telling her i cant wait until she has her own place and im going to tip her drawers out, drop litter about, generally make a mess and go home 😬

This is something I majorly struggle with, living with my partner's 16yo son. He just doesn't tidy anything up, sheds belongings as he walks round the house. He drinks squash and he's the only one who drinks it, and will leave the empty bottle by the sink, despite the fact he has to walk past the bin to leave the room.

There's so much rubbish and crap in his room that it comes out onto the landing when he walks out of his door (I just kick it back in). He wears ALL of his clothes before he puts ANY in the wash. Never tells me he's put EVERYTHING in the wash, and then comes to me late at night and says "can you wash X, Y and Z before tomorrow? I've got no clothes to wear" if he just put things in the wash as he took them off, he'd have a steady stream of things to wear. But what can I do? I refused once to try and teach him not to do it, so he went to his nan's in shorts in December, and I got a snotty phonecall about not looking after him properly. He'll keep towels in his room after a shower, so I'll go into the airing cupboard when I need a shower to find they're all gone (I will use my towel a couple of times so he's had chance to use loads before I need one), as he has two showers a day with a fresh towel for each.

He will take food out of the kitchen all the time, in addition to meals, but then keep the plates upstairs, leaving us short when it comes to mealtimes. He has been known to put empty egg boxes and other containers back into the fridge instead of the bin.

My partner has said he can't have his pocket money each week unless his room is tidy, everything is in the wash, and he's been bringing his plates down.. but he honestly doesn't care, as his mum gives him £40 a week (!!) as she's on a fantastic wage, so our £10 a week means nothing to him, and isn't worth the effort. Plus, they have a cleaner at her house, so he gets absolutely everything done for him there. He sees her every other weekend btw as my partner has custody.

Sorry for the rant there.

Anything he leaves around the rest of the house gets put in his room when I go upstairs, my partner and I keep the rest of the house clean, but refuse to clean his room. That's one thing he should definitely do for himself. It's not even hard. He is always either doing his homework or on his PlayStation, so how it turns into a bomb site I just don't know. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for dirty clothes to go in the wash, packets and wrappers to go in the bin, and plates to come downstairs.

I WFH, incredibly long hours, and would just really really like it if he could take responsibility for his own mess, and make things a teensy bit easier for me sometimes. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't get his pocket money and doesn't care. He doesn't care about anything we punish him with. He just won't be tidy.

I wouldn't mind as much if it didn't impact the rest of us, but the washing thing and the dishes thing, and the towels, and the mess outside of his bedroom, are honestly issues on a daily basis, and issues I could really do without.

Mixed feelings on this one.

I really do think parents should enforce a basic "room clean and tidy" expecation. One thing I did try was a kind of room check once a week or once a fortnight. At least the bedroom was clean once a fortnight, so things didn't get completely out-of-control! I encouraged and enforced a basic clean/tidy room from about age 11-16.

However, now son nearly 17, just started 6th form, things have definitely taken a turn for the worst! At least for the moment, I've let things go, as otherwise its just constant confrontation about everything really. I do have a memory of being a bit untidy at that age as well, mainly I think so much going on in your head, your brain struggles to function in an adult way; that said I was never as messy and untidy as son. I have (finally!) turned into one of those parents who just shuts the bedroom door and forgets about it. But I do think for children and younger teens its important to encourage some basic respect for living quarters, even if it goes a bit awry around 17-18.

p.s. I don't know how long this will go on for, the leaving him to his messy room. Its not dirty plates at least, but the mess is still kind of gross, and he spends alot of time in there too. p.s. Sunshine, I think leaving dirty plates in a room so you have none is particularly gross especially since it leaves you with none , but what can you do is the question, if he ignores requests, demands and withholding of pocket money? I'd take out the PlayStation for that one I think, just because ....

They are still driving me fucking mental.

I have tonight stood outside DD’s door demanding (and turned off the WiFi) until she bought down a crusty plate of lasagne. I don’t want to go to bed or wake up smelling lasagne. It’s vile.

DD1 has then left chocolate biscuits on her bedroom window sill, let the dog up - he’s eaten them immediately. She didn’t think he could reach

Why won’t they listen to me? It’s so disgusting. I came home tonight to the same washing up from last night still there. This is a paid job that is only done through threats and nagging. Even when I take pocket money away, nothing changes! I honestly do not know what to do to stop them eating in their rooms unless I just stop buying any food. They both claim they hate the sound of me eating and refuse to eat in the same room as anyone else.

That’s shocking and such a shit teenager type excuse. Find out what it is that motivates them - for mine it’s wi fi I turn it off and it cannot go on on unless certain hours. Stop prepping food being obliging. I find a small amount of inconvenience works wonders. I have literally stopped snack food being available on the basis of leaving shot in their rooms. It will pass just not yet!!

Snacks is one thing but full dinners - I’ve had enough. I’ve told the younger one she is completely banned from eating in her room even snacks. But she likely won’t listen for long

I’m not fussed about bedrooms, one has always been quite tidy and the other is coming out the other side. But the one rule is crusting crockery and anything unhygienic. I don’t really mind if all the plates are up there provided they have sandwich crumbs on not congealed curry, and they are returned when I ask. Plus they’ve grown up knowing what is/ isn’t bad for pets so it’s not a learning curve about tablets or chocolate.

If all you are asking is no manky food waste, rather than general demands to tidy their rooms, and they adamantly ignore or argue with you, with no efforts to try then I’d just suspend all services. Lifts, money, washing anything other than school uniform and clean underwear and so on.

I've given up nagging mine. I figure it's their space and if they want to live in a hovel it's up to them. They are good at bringing plates down though, I made a point of instilling the importance of not leaving half eaten food about telling them it would encourage insects and mice.
I very much doubt your dog would eat paracetamol but him/her eating the chocolate biscuits could have made it very poorly. Have you considered putting up a stairgate?

My 17yo is a frigging nightmare. Her room and bathroom are revolting. Every now and again she’ll blitz it and then within 24hours it looks like a skip has been upturned again. I’m more relaxed about it as par for the course, DH is less so, he has OCD tendencies and finds it very stressful.

I feel your pain.
My boys room stinks of sweaty socks coz they clearly don't know how to put dirty washing in the washing machine. Crisps packets and even rotten apple cores...... it's actually grim!
My daughter is no better..... her make-up drawers on her dressing table are full of crisp packets and dirty used baby wipes.
Her bedroom is on the ground floor and we have a dog...... my son constantly leaves the safety gate unlocked and the dog happily wanders into my 18years old DD's room, takes her dirty knickers from her floor (she seemingly doesn't know where the washing machine is either!) and takes them back to her bed in the kitchen and chews them.
I tell my boys daily they aren't playing out or going on any electronics till their bedroom is tidy...... every single day, it's back to its filthy smelly state!
I give up, close their doors and ignore it most of the time. 🤔

We have a stairgate! They either leave it open or invite the dog up (he is very very cuddly and loves to go on beds)

It is just the crusty plates
I’ve threatened them with maggots, flies, mice and cockroaches all of which they hate. DD2 did have a flu infestation in the summer so she just stopped opening her windows

Fly infestation

Oh Christ I don't know then Pookie. . Have you considered adoption? Putting the kids up not the dog