The pain watching your teen put on a brave face

[Betaboo]

DD 16yo, being excluded from her group of friends now they are back at school, , got a message about a night out tomorrow which is now apparent was incorrectly sent to her, she responded positively and told me she was going out tomorrow night, the sender backtracked, DD said she is not going out tomorrow night, that sender had said it wasn't happening..

My heart is broken looking at her putting on a brave face and pretending everything is okay, pretending to me she believes the night out is not happening, desperately wanting to go out and no one to go out with.

I am sure I was excluded but I don't remember feeling this much pain about myself being excluded.

We were there at 16.

I remember slowly shredding a gift from a mum of one of the other girls.

It’s horrible but she will come out the other side.

Dd has finally found her tribe at University.

Thus too shall pass.

Thank you for the reassurance Ursula !

Then they are not her friends. It’s so hard to watch but she actually sounds like a strong brave young lady putting a brave face on it and facing it head on. I’m sure that although it’s hard you’re also very proud of how she’s handling it.
Encourage her to find better friends

I’ve been through this to the point I ended up changing schools because I was so miserable and lonely. It worked for me but I know that isn’t an option for everyone.

Are there any clubs / activities / part time jobs she could do to meet some new people?

I found it so painful watching my daughter go through this. It's not always that easy to make new friends esp at 16. I think I would try to plan stuff to keep her as busy as possible and tell her that better days are on the horizon. Sometimes if the girls don't see much of a reaction then it can settle back down again. Hope it does x

@betaboo just like bubblesintheair said the less reaction the better.
Take her out to a movie and dinner let her get dressed up.
Better friends will come along.
It's so hard for teenagers with all the social media and them posting photos of the fun they are having it makes the hurt last longer as they keep looking at the photos.
Them girls sound very immature and jealous of your dd to be excluding people at 16 is childish.

Excluding is horrible. Both my DCs have been victims of it but thankfully things improved.
Is your dd in year 12 - is there any way she could change setting? If not, things do change in sixth form, dd has made different friends.

Lots of hugs for you, but know soon she will be an adult who will have made lots of friends in college, uni and work. She has a good future ahead of her, and why don’t you both have a nice day together? I know it’s not the same as a sixteen year old to be going out with her mum instead of her friends. Still it will make you feel better?

School can definitely be hard, especially as a teenage girl. Teenage girls tend to be much, much worse than some boys (I would know, I go to an all girl's school.) Have you tried getting her to join any clubs? I'm part of the Army Cadets, and though that may not be her thing, it's a good way to make friends out of school. Try and get her to join a youth club/organisation (some sort of cadets), and I'm sure she'll make strong friends. Sure, it'll be lonely at school, there's not much you can do about that, but she has someone/something to look forward too to keep her from becoming depressed, which can happen in these situations. Keep her away from those girls, I can guarantee they aren't her friends, and the quicker she forgets and disassociates with them, the better.

Thank you all !

My dd 14 is also experiencing this. It’s so painful to see. I tell her about some of the mean girls at my school and how I finally found my tribe at university. The only positive thing is that we are closer now I know what has been happening and understand why she was acting up all last year (all came out over the summer when we bumped into a group of the mean friends in town and dd did a runner) also dd has been getting on much better with her younger sister which is lovely.

Trying to keep busy at weekends, cinema, shopping, swimming etc. has helped keep her mind occupied with other things.

Hope she’s ok. It’s really heartbreaking as a parent to watch but if she can learn to handle rejection now she will be so well prepared for adult life. I’ve been through this with Dd and she now understands the game a lot of girls play, just because they say “ love you “ to insta posts doesn’t meant they actually care! Because they say “ miss you” doesn’t mean they do! Get her to identify her own meaning of friendship, her own values and then see how the girls excluding her compare. It’s not easy going it alone but self worth is hugely important.