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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD very sad...

20 replies

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 09:54

Her boyfriend broke up with her yesterday and told he he had been unfaithful. On the first day of Year 11.

Fucking great.

They had been together a year and she thought they were in love.

What can I do or say to help her?

OP posts:

Windydaysuponus · 05/09/2019 09:57

Don't slag him off too much!
If she chooses to forgive him she won't forget your words!
Then the obvious cheer up tools - bubble bath, box of chocs, magazine.
And a hug!

Fantasisa · 05/09/2019 10:00

The best revenge is a life well lived - tell her to feel the pain for the week and then try and move on. Focus on her studies/social life etc and don't let him see how much he has hurt her.

for your DD

GrimGirl · 05/09/2019 10:03

I feel for you and your dd. It is so hard to watch them suffer and get hurt.
I'm.foing through similar. Dd3 is 18 and about to leave for uni next weekend. Her boyfriend of 2 and half years wnses it with her last week. It's been shit and im exhausted from lots of talks and tears in the small hours. I just want to desperately get her in a good place mentally before leaving to go yo uni 3 hours away.

All you can do is be there with tissues tea and sympathy. Keeping her busy is important, which now being back at school will help. Has she got a best friend or close knit set of friends. Plan a pizza and sleepover night for the weekend perhaps.

Original poster

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 10:06

All good plans, thank you. Have planned her fav tea for tonight.

She's already stressed anough with GCSEs and teachers saying what a stressful year this is going to be.

She had some friendship issues in Year 10 and was a bit wobbly about those too. And now this. Gah.

I know break-ups are part of life but I just want to give her a big hug. I can remember how much it hurt.

OP posts:

Fantasisa · 05/09/2019 10:09

@GrimGirl one of my biggest regrets in life is not splitting up with my teenage boyfriend before we went to separate unis. Having a boyfriend who wasn't in the same city as me severely curtailed the experience for me (he wasn't very nice either which didn't help) so perhaps your DD will come to thank him in the end.

slobberyblob · 05/09/2019 10:17

This is my biggest fear for my ds. The first heartbreak. I remember mine so vividly! I remember wailing into my pillow and throwing the stuffed toys he got me out the window. Still hate the bastard! Cried for days.

Maybe a little treat night, try keep her busy and just remind her how amazing she is! Don't slag him off, as hard as it is. You'll just make things harder for her. Poor wee soul!

slobberyblob · 05/09/2019 10:19

Remind her that the pain won't always be there. That it does stop eventually and you just have to take each day as it comes.

AmIThough · 05/09/2019 10:21

It's better now than in 6 months time when exams are in full flow, at least.

Just be supportive.
Have a pyjama/ice cream movie night. Let her cry and mope for a little while. The first love hurts the worst. Give her a hug when she looks sad and remind her that she's beautiful.

Do they go to the same school?

Original poster

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 10:36

Not the same school, thankfully, but she was thinking about transferring to hs for A levels.

Some great ideas, here, thank you. And yes, much better now than in the middle of the blooming GCSEs.

@GrimGirl - sympathy to your dd. It must be very hard knowing she's off to uni and wondering how she will cope. Hopefully there will be so much going on that she's distracted...

OP posts:

mcmen71 · 05/09/2019 11:07

@theunrivaledjoysofparenting just tell her to talk as much as she wants let her have a bit of time with friends.
The best way to get over a heartbreak is to move on.
My dd turned 16 in summer thought she was in love with everyboy she went out with (just 4) but then the next one is always better.
The day she breaks up I take her for a coffee she goes out with friends and within a couple weeks a new boy is on the scence.
I have never met any of them but stalk them on social media and see a photo of them.
15-16 is a way too young to be to serious tell her enjoy her life there will be plenty of time for serious realationships.

Original poster

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 15:11

She wants me to drive her over to see him this eve so they can talk...

OP posts:

AmIThough · 05/09/2019 15:22

OP don't take her to him. He can come to her.

Let her know her worth. Nobody ever deserves to be cheated on, but at 16? He can bloody grovel!

Original poster

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 05/09/2019 15:35

He can come to her.

He might be too scared to come here 😡😡

... though I would be polite.

OP posts:

AmIThough · 05/09/2019 15:37

Good! Let him be scared!
He should apologise to all of you for being a complete prat.

I'm angry on your behalf

Fantasisa · 05/09/2019 15:43

What's to talk about? He cheated on her - it is over. She shouldn't give him the time of day. Much easier said than done I know. She needs to value herself more highly than he has done.

HaileySherman · 05/09/2019 16:06

Sympathies OP. Worst thing as a mum is not being able to fix everything that's wrong in our children's lives. This sucks, but a normal part of growing up. Just be there for her. Reassure her that things happen all the time and she's capable of getting through it. Someone who cheats is not worth letting your life get turned upside down. Best to focus on keeping busy, doing things that are good for her like studying, spending time with family and friends, etc. Its ok to be upset but put a clock on it, so to speak, so she doesn't get into a proper funk. I just went thru this with my 16 yo. And also, other pp are right, be careful what you say, because you never know if they'll make up and move on together.

Notverygrownup · 05/09/2019 16:16

I wouldn't prevent her from going to talk if that's what she wants. She is dealing with her first break up and will be desperate to know why he has done this. And you don't want her thinking that he might have begged for forgiveness, if only you had made it possible for them to meet.

Be there for her. Tell her that having your heart broken for the first time hurts like nothing else, but that you will be there to help her through it.

Yy to bubble bath, chocolate, magazines and hugs. (And even if you think it, don't ever tell her that it is better that this happened now rather than during her exams/later on. She will just hear that you think it's a good thing/better thing. It's not better. It's total sh*t, as far as she is concerned. and she needs lots of sympathy and listening to.)

And be prepared to listen to sad songs played on loop very loudly for a while, if they don't get back together.

mcmen71 · 05/09/2019 21:49

How is your dd tonight x

Original poster

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 11/09/2019 19:02

Sorry - just seen this. She's doing well, thank you. Better than I thought she'd be...

OP posts:

mcmen05 · 11/09/2019 19:43

That's great that she is doing good
I think sometimes us mums take it bad for them when they have a breakup.
Slight name change from mcmen71 to mcmen05

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