WWYD ?

[GinisLife]

16 year old has recently started smoking. I'm really not happy about it but not much I can do as she keeps telling me. Pocket money goes on a Go Henry card at the moment (current account applies for). There's over £20 on the card and she wants me to move it back to my account and give her cash - which will then be used to buy tobacco from some dodgy shop that sells to teens. Would you give her the cash ? Or refuse ? Pocket money on card or none ? Grrrrr

Nope no money from me at all.

Nope. She can smoke if she wants, but you don't have to make it easy for her. And report the shop too.

How did she get into smoking. Does her friends smoke?

I thought smoking was on the decrease.

I would tackle why she needs to smoke.

Wouldn't give her cash and I would report the shop.

Agree with the above comments. I work as a youth worker for teens and wish that parents would stop giving them the money to buy cigarettes/vapes/drugs and alcohol with. Also report the shop that's selling it to them as they normally will sell a lot more than just cigarettes to teens.

Also talk to her why she needs to smoke. Point out that vaping is cheaper and (unproven as yet) healthier alternative. Preferably not to smoke at all , but it could be a phase of her trying things so treat her as an adult in these conversations or she may keep doing it as an act of rebelling.

She's keeping the shop very close to her chest. I'd be reporting if I knew where it was. She's a foster child and I think the influence has come from visits to mum - she sees her sister. She says it stems from her anxiety. I've stood firm so far. She's tried to withdraw cash from the ATM but it's not worked. I'm hoping that if I don't get too draconian - other than refusing to finance it - that she will get bored with it. Not happening so far.

If she's not the one buying it (eg.her mates are buying the bacca and giving her it at a price) a 16 year old can smoke, it's only buying it that requires the 18+ ID.

As a FC, are you going to be on dodgy ground with SS if you withhold her pocket money? What does your SW say?

Would she vape instead?

I'm not withholding her pocket money. Her pocket money goes straight into her Go Henry card every week. She wants me to give her cash instead of the transfer. Read my OP ??? There's currently £23 on her card. £10 was transferred on to it as normal yesterday. Christ, do some people not read and understand ???? It's not difficult.

Hey. I read the 'pocket money on card or none' as you being open to no pocket money.
And I was more asking re SW as many others suggested withholding pocket money, which is what many parents would do, and I was trying to clarify whether that is even a possible option for you. (My DD are adopted so I am aware there are rules re pocket money in care.)

Ahh op what a sticky situation. I'd not give her cash and just say the pocket money stays on the go Henry.

But then on the other hand you don't want her getting in to more trouble trying to get cash?

Sorry just playing devils advocate. Can you speak to the social worker and see what they suggest?

Nope. Don't fund her habit. You can't stop her but you don't have to support it. I admire you fostering a teen- must be challenging on all sorts of levels.

I have told her I don't support it. I've also told her to learn a lesson from me as I used to smoke and was treated for a tumour in my tongue over Christmas which they can't say wasn't triggered by smoking and I still have issues related to the treatment. She went through that with me (and was golden). I don't want to drive her to taking cash from my purse and stuff like that (I don't actually think she would) if I insist on pocket money on card. I'm standing firm - but she's also still got tobacco left. She's going to her mums on Monday so will be their problem for a few days !!! My own SW is about to leave and hers is on long term sick leave. I don't tend to bother them anyway as we tend to muddle through. She's a great kid most of the time. I'd just like to try and nip this in the bud now before it becomes entrenched and addicted.