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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14 year old DD driving me nuts!

12 replies

Wowzers71 · 27/08/2019 13:07

Is it just me? DD has always been a good kid - did well at school, nice friends, nice to her little sister and generally pleasant to be around.

But in the last 18 months she's started really challenging us. LOTS of anger, much of it directed at the world rather than us directly, endless ranting about school subjects and how stupid they are. ( despite this she is doing fine at school) Shes also refusing to do anything or go anywhere with the family and shes horrible to her sister. She has had a few out of school interests ( sport drama etc) but is now looking to give these up for no real reason that I can fathom.

Is it just me or do other 14 year olds turn out like this? And will she come out the other end?

OP posts:

BarbedBloom · 27/08/2019 15:22

Sounds pretty normal to me unfortunately

Daddylonglegs1965 · 28/08/2019 03:53

You have my sympathises OP. I am lying awake due to my 14 year old DD. We are on holiday and unlike DS a year older she has never had much conversation, has had few friends and few interests. She is much less academic than DS and is quietly doing ok at school.
Anyway this holiday she has been lovely to DH and DS much more so than normal. But worse than ever with me. I can’t have a simple conversation with her this has got worse and worse. She is really quiet with me moody nasty shouty dirty looks eye rolling, going off the deep end and turning away from me. It’s really hurtful and I ended up in tears. DS has been lovely and seems to be really bonding with DH. She’s been much better with DH and he’s had a quiet and several less quiet words with her but she insists she’s in the right. I am lying awake trying to think of how to move forward. DH’s answer finally was just to ignore her she doesn’t behave well towards you and doesn’t seem to want to be part of the family just ignore her.

Original poster

Wowzers71 · 01/09/2019 10:11

Hi daddylonglegs sorry to hear you're having a similar experience. Funnily enough my DD is also better with my DH than she is with me.

Since my first post we've actually had quite a good week, but this morning she is back to the same negative behaviour. Sigh. I know it's normal but it has such an impact on the whole family and it's so self-destructive!

Ah well, onwards and upwards I suppose!

OP posts:

Daddylonglegs1965 · 01/09/2019 12:53

DD’s phone broke on holiday which escalated things together with raging hormones no doubt. But I had had enough so I took her iPad off her the next morning and told her I wasn’t prepared to put up with any more of her aggression attitude or cheek any longer. I said if she behaved civilly for the rest of the day she could have her iPad back at night time otherwise she would loose it. It was a challenge for her but backed up by my not backing down, but backing off her and not being overly chatty or overly friendly/nice to her (which she despises for some reason) combined with DH backing me up with the iPad ban (although initially he didn’t agree). She calmed down & she was ok or drastically better than she was for the last two days of her holiday and since thank goodness. Hang in there all.

saffy1234 · 01/09/2019 12:59

You could be describing my daughter here.
Ive never met someone so blatantly rude and the way she is to her sister is despicable
Sadly i think its 'normal'

mcmen71 · 01/09/2019 19:26

I have 2 dd one age 16 one 14 ds age 11
Dd16 causes the most upset always wanting out. Cheeky when she doesn't get what she wants. The thing I hate most is the lies she tells.
There is another thread about teenagers called holding onto the rope lots of helpful advice on it.
My dd age 14 and ds age 11 are no bother yet apart from not wanting to go to bed.

Mumofboth · 03/09/2019 18:15

Totally normal I’m afraid. Teen girls can be horrid. My 16 year old has got a little better but you couldn’t pay me to go through teen years again.

MeggyMeg · 04/09/2019 15:46

I was just about to post similar. My delightful child has transformed into a moody, unsociable , foul mouthed pain in the arse. She hates school, the teachers are all terrible etc. I have thought about changing her school but I'm not sure it would help. Shes constantly wanting to stay in her room on her phone. We have a no tech rule after 9.30 which apparently is really unfair and none of her friends have such a thing. Glad to hear its not just me.

Anyone whose been through this, does this sound normal?

What does everyone else do about bedtimes on school nights and weekends and what about tech? Her phone goes off at 9.30 on school nights and 11.30 at weekends. She puts herself to bed within reason.

mcmen71 · 04/09/2019 17:00

@MeggyMeg my 14 year old goes to be between 9 and 9.30 phone in kitchen as she gets up for school around 6.15 am.
She loves school for the social aspect but not the learning.

MeggyMeg · 04/09/2019 17:02

Glad to hear it's not just me. Dd doesn't need to be up until 7 but I don't think she falls straight to sleep.

Original poster

Wowzers71 · 04/09/2019 23:03

Our DD also has phone off by 9.30 rule which she is actually ok with most of the time. Bed is 10 on weekdays which is a bit later than I'd like, but it's one of the things she doesn't generally complain about so I'm just relieved it doesn't turn into a fight!

OP posts:

lifecouldbeadream · 05/09/2019 14:42

FWIW, 14 was hideous.... 16 is now on the horizon and she is noticeably better. Of course, she’d say it was me..... but I can certainly tell you, she was horrid. Far better and more mature now. Still has moments which would make you want to weep, but the time between them is greater.

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