Is there hope?

[AMBC25]

Hi all my dd is suffering from anxiety resulting in school refusal. She is self harming and says she doesn't want to be here. We have been assessed by camhs and are waiting for first appointment. The last few months she has also been acting out, drinking, smoking weed, endless lies etc. The problem now and I'm ashamed of this is that something has 'snapped' in me. I went to gp for ad. I feel huge feelings of panic and am having suicidal thoughts. I know it's so weak , I was coping and was strong and sourcing all the help I could for her. The stress has been huge. She took panadol overdose at one stage but we only found out lately. If I call her and she doesn't answer a horrible fear comes over me. How selfish and cowardly of me but I feel I would just like to go away from it all but I know this would impact the whole family horrendously. I feel so desperate that I can't help her when I am like this.

Hi OP you are not alone read the thread holding onto the rope on teenagers thread.

You must look after yourself first. It’s tgat old adage about putting your oxygen mask on before attending to others. Get all the help you can for yourself. Your anxiety must be huge but damage to your health - mental or physical - will not help her at all. And tap up the school for every ounce of support it can give. I prefer schools to camhs as teachers have seen it all and understand their schools and your child’s place in it.

You're not weak op

I feel for you. You are strong not weak; however it’s impossible to hold it together all the time. I get the anxiety too. CBT has helped me; also the ADs, how long have you been taking them?

You are not weak, cowardly or selfish. You are a living mother under a huge amount of stress who just wants to keep their child safe. You need to take all the support that you need in order to deal with this. Do you get any time away at all? Even a couple of hours totally away from it all?

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I have found the ad have started to take the edge off the overwhelming anxiety but I still feel sick with worry. She seems good at the moment but we had another major drama with catching her lying and out drinking. We are then afraid to punish her too much in case she does something . I keep repeating that things will get better but I also feel fear 24/7. I'm not sure what camhs will do for us , it's hard to know what to do when you don't even have a diagnosis. Right now we are watching her closely and giving her lots of love and kindness but she does manipulate us . My friend says remove the phone completely but I don't want to totally isolate her. As it is she's grounded. Thanks all again for ' listening' . No , only break from her is sleep :)

Can the school help with a modified timetable, or coming in restricted hours to go to a quiet room or the library? What age is she? Local FE colleges often have 2 year courses for 14 years olds who have had disrupted education e.g. maths and english gcse plus a vocational course or skills course offer).