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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD boyfriend situation

16 replies

pilotedgrey · 24/08/2019 19:59

DD2 is only 14 but all her friends genuinely do have boyfriends. She is very conveniently pretty (think tanned skin, dark blonde/light brown hair, slim but not skinny) and she has loads of friends who are boys but she never gets asked out by them or by friends friends who she knows from parties/social media and met up with etc.

DD1 is gorgeous in my eyes but less conventionally pretty, more of a girl next door sort of look and she has had loads of boyfriends etc.

DD2 says that in her friendship group the girls who get asked out are the more meek, less confident quieter girls. DD is the opposite Very opinionated, funny, witty which has landed her with lovely friends of both genders.

Before anyone asks, no I’m not trying to get my DD a boyfriend, she’s simply upset that she doesn’t have one, and is questioning herself, her looks and her personality. It breaks my heart.

What should I say to her?

OP posts:

Original poster

pilotedgrey · 24/08/2019 20:16

anyone?

OP posts:

NeatFreakMama · 24/08/2019 20:20

Bumping, sorry I don't have teenagers. I think you need to keep her confidence up in herself. I wonder how she is in front of her friends?

AmIThough · 24/08/2019 20:22

Tell her all the good qualities she has and that she doesn't need a boy to make her happy.
It may be that boys think she's out of their league, or see her as one of the lads because she's such fun.

In 5 years time all the guys who are friend zoning her now will be after the girls like her, who are good fun to be around, not just up for anything.

Original poster

pilotedgrey · 24/08/2019 20:42

@NeatFreakMama
Thanks x

@AmIThough
I do tell her but you can tell she’s clearly upset when DD1 bf is over or she’s telling me about her friends bfs who I already know as they’re all in a friendship group.

I feel that this is new territory for her as before when everything was platonic, she made friends very easily and continues to do so as she’s very outgoing, sociable etc. However, it’s a different story when it comes to teenage relationships!

OP posts:

YeOldeTrout · 24/08/2019 21:59

If she wants a boyfriend she should ask some boys out and see if they're good enough for her.

I doubt she'll get turned down often. But it's all good practice even if she does get turned down.

gyrur · 25/08/2019 17:16

tell Her she is too young for a BF and to concentrate on her studies maybe?! honestly she's has plenty of time for all that and 14 is way too young for a BF. As a parent I don't know why you are getting caught up in the peer group pressure.

Cordial11 · 25/08/2019 17:20

My best friend never had bf at school, we all did, a fair few too many lol. Turned 18 and met a nice lad, was then first with house, married. baby etc. Everyones time line is different

BonnieSeptember · 25/08/2019 17:21

A good proportion of young boys (and grown men actually!) like quiet, reserved women because they can just project their vision of what their ideal woman is onto them - school is a very small portion of the population of people she'll meet in her life time. There's certainly nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend (or having one, for that matter) at her age. Your daughter sounds lovely and she'll eventually find someone who challenges her on an intellectual level and doesn't just have a crush on a pretty face! :)

MarigoldGlove · 25/08/2019 17:22

I’m agog that you are thinking about this and that you are associating having a boyfriend with how good looking (you perceive) your own girls to be.

Cordial11 · 25/08/2019 17:22

@gyrur it’s not to young for a boyfriend. She can study and date.

Fudgenugget · 25/08/2019 17:29

Your daughter is beautiful inside and out. Make sure she knows this. She sounds like she is an amazing girl. She needs to build her confidence, do her best, and be fabulous. Boys can wait.

Cohle · 25/08/2019 17:35

Comparing her to her sister and focusing so much on looks is unlikely to be a helpful approach I think.

Tell her she has all the time in the world to get a boyfriend and to focus on friendships and being herself.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 25/08/2019 17:37

The last thing you want to do is big up your daughter by putting down other girls so pleaseeee don’t go down the whole ‘oh you’re just more fun than the other girls / you’re just much prettier than the other girls’ etc. I think that is so unpleasant and just carries on the societal crap of pitting girls and women against each other ‘competing’ for men.
Just reinforce the fact that she doesn’t need to be validated by teenage boys, and that there’s so much more to life.

stucknoue · 25/08/2019 17:53

Tell her that it will come, the nice boys aren't ready at 14. Dd2 has had a string of boyfriends from 15, latest (she's 18) very serious, off to university together (sort of different unis same city). Dd is super outgoing too

BoomyBooms · 25/08/2019 17:54

It sounds like a cliché but I genuinely think your daughter could be intimidating all the boys by being too amazing for their little 14 year old boy brains!

BarbariansMum · 27/08/2019 10:43

If she is outgoing, why doesn't she ask a boy she likes out? Not all boys feel ready for a girlfriend at 14, some would like one but are too shy to ask.

Some prefer more reserved girls because they are quiet and reserved themselves.

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