13 yr old overweight

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My 13 yr old DD is overweight. Not by much but in the overweight category. She is ladies size 10-12. She has had a pot belly since a toddler and it has never really gone but now it is really noticable. She now has a double chin and notice the fat around her thighs. She likes her food and especially likes snacking which is maybe part of the problem. I try not to have too much in the house but as a teenager when she goes out with her friends they buy subways or mcdonalds and milkshakes and bubble teas. In the school time she sometimes goes in the local tesco and buys sweets. All her friends are size 6's and can eat rubbish without putting any weight on. I can control what she eats when she is with me to a certain extent but I can't control what she eats when away from me. Excercise is another factor- she is active but not sporty - she loves dancing and does 3 hrs a week out of school . She is also in top set for PE at school as she is very competitive as she wants to be quick and fast at everything - she has a bike but really hates going on it. She walks a mile to school and back every day but this holidays without the walking routine has become very sluggish. I make sure in the holidays that we are out doing something for some of the day but like most teenagers when she is home she is glued to her phone or you tube - I have tried suggesting we go to the gym together or start running but in this respect she is lazy and will not even consider it.

She hasn't started her periods yet and I know people say that sometimes the weight disappears then. I don't like to make a big deal of it but she is piling the weight on and my DH and parents keep on nagging her about what a big girl she is becoming. She cant wear skinny jeans and these awful crop tops that she wears just do not suit her body shape at all but she insists to wear them.

I have never ever had to watch my weight so this is all a little bit new to me. It is great that she isn't too bothered but I wish in a way she was and then she may watch what she eats a bit more. Any advice on whether I really need to take control or does she have to make the decision to watch her weight. I really don't want to make it an issue but at the same time she can't just eat what she wants willy nilly.

If she has a pot belly,double chin,fat around her thighs and cannot wear skinny jeans it's a big problem.Her friends probably aren't stuffing their faces constantly...also where does she get the money to buy snacks and sweets at the shop?

My eldest (but slightly younger than your dd) is the same. She eats considerably less junk food than her peers, has healthy non processed meals, no sugary drinks and is generally more active than her peers. She doesn’t hang out away from home yet so we know she’s not buying crap when we’re not with her. We’ve been to dieticians (and followed and still do their meal plans and portions) and paediatricians and they all think she’ll grow out of it because they can’t find any reason for it. It breaks my heart when she wants to wear crop tops, not because it doesn’t suit her or expecting her to hide herself away but because of the bitchy comment it attracts from grown men and women who think they know better than all the professionals whose help we have sought. If one more person tells us about what goes in needs burned off i’ll scream!

i would try making changes to everything at home, so all meals cooked are healthy, all snacks in the house are healthy with minimal treats and give it a bit of time when she gets back to school to see if that helps. it is a difficult age as she might be putting on weight pre having a growth spurt although it does sound like it is more than that.

presumably at school she has done some degree of food tech? and nutrition. Could you get her involved with the cooking at home? so approaching it all from the education point of view so when she is out with her friends she realises she can have SOME treats but not all of them. It is also possible her friends aren't eating properly at home so the majority of their calories are consumed when out whereas she is then coming home and eating a full meal.

is she concerned about it? how does she react when it is mentioned at home by family? if she is upset then could you sit her down and say that you understand it can be upsetting for her and perhaps you could tackle it together?

I went through same with my daughter and she wasn’t as sporty as your Dd. We are years on now and I hate the fact I used to say to her I don’t want you crying when we are looking at prom dresses because you are overweight😱. She luckily has a really strong character and ignored my comments and had entered into woman hood with a brilliant attitude to her body that I wish I had. If thinks stil look bleak for your daughter at 18 step in but until then as long as she is eating healthy don’t worry.

I was the same at 13(21 now) pre period weight is horrible but not much you can do about it except encourage healthy snacks at home and just wait and see.

Her friends seem to have disposbale incomes and just spend money on constant junk but never put on weight. It just happens that in her friendship group they are mostly a size 6. I think maybe if her frriends were more her size it wouldn't be so noticable and where they can eat rubbish all day without putting any weight on she can't!!! Me and her are going swimming today I have made a special effort to do something with her today otherwise she would go into town and have a mcdonalds and costa and probably sweet pic n mix as well.

It is good in a way that she isn't too concerned as I do know some girls who measure their waist size every day. Generally she eats a balanced diet and is semi active. I would prefer her to do more like the gym or a swim club but she won't even consider it. When they are smaller it is much easier to sign them up for sports classes and they co -operate but at 13 - I don't think I can really force her!!

I am just hoping that when she starts her periods she may slim down a bit. She has always been big since she was born and has always been 2 ages bigger in clothes.

I'm so glad that you are doing something together today. Hopefully she will enjoy some time with you.

I had a problem with my DS eating too much junk at this age, what I would suggest is giving her a really good vitamin and mineral supplement and preferably one with high calcium. Another thing that helped us was reading Eating Well for 12 to 18 year olds. I read it myself and then asked DS if he wanted to read it with me. One thing I realised was that he needed far more calories than I'd thought.

As for the exercise, could she do more dancing or could you borrow a dog for walks?

Just a thought OP - have you checked her out for any hormonal or endocrine problems? Girls with PCOS have real problems with their metabolism and don't handle high carbohydrate diets very well. They often start their periods late and they can continue being irregular; they are often more hairy than average as well.

One of my DD's friends is hypothyroid and she has always been overweight. It wasn't spotted till she was about ten.

I don't want to worry you unnecessarily, but it might not be a bad idea to check these out.

It could abe an under active thyroid. A blood test at the GP would rule this out.
DD 14 is similar her friends are all
Smaller in height with an average to a little bigger than average build. As DD is tall it’s less noticeable most of the time. She has a pot belly, is an extremely fussy eater but loves chocolate crisps and snacking. She doesn’t take much pride in her appearance generally. She started her period two years ago which didn’t help settle things down. I said something about her doing her hair nice and looking nice on a night out on holiday and she bit my head off. Saying she couldn’t care less what I thought or anyone else thought about her as she doesn’t care what she looks like or what people think of her.

Your DD seems active enough, so for her to be piling on weight as she is she must be eating a hell of a lot of junk food. Where does she get the money to buy it all?

If she's doing all that walking and dancing and PE then she's eating a heck of a lot of snacks. Get MyFitnessPal and do a calorie input with her. It will help her see all the junk she's consuming.

More exercise, NO money for snacks. She can take a healthy packed lunch.

Is she an apple body type? If so, suggest she restrict her carbohydrates at meals.

I think nagging had the opposite effect. I was chubby as a teen and the nagging had a deleterious effect on my self esteem. My daughter chunked up as a teen. I said nothing, based on my own experiences, and she is now a slim adult.

my child goes round the vending machines at school, getting the change that people have forgotten........thats how she gets the money! how do you counteract that?!

Incidentally so 13/14 year olds are 6ft tall how tall is your DD OP? As even though her friends maybe size 6 if they are tiny and she is taller she will be a bigger clothes/dress size.

Sorry, no helpful advice, but do tread carefully.

Your DD doesn't sound particularly physically unhealthy at all. Certainly she is much healthier and happier now than she would be if she got an eating disorder. I'm sure you're really aware of this already, but I just wanted to say that your DD really doesn't sound like she has much of a health or fitness problem - she just happens to have very skinny friends.

Agree with Ambidexte and tell family to shut up about the weight, no negotiation on that, it’s unhelpful and can be very harmful.
It is normal to gain weight around puberty
www.livestrong.com/article/324155-why-did-my-daughter-gain-so-much-weight-in-puberty/

Gently steer to good snacks, healthy dinners etc, you can limit what you buy for home.