I can't cope with my teenager

[jessiesmam]

My son is 14 and the oldest of my 4 children and I cant cope with him. He is ok when he want to behave but he can also flip to being pure mean and nasty..
He calls me awful names. Swears in my face shouts at me no matter where we are and can be a bully and physically aggressive to his brother and sister because he hates him and there only half brother. . He says that I treat them differently but I try not to but what he does needs worse punishment
Hes always saying he doesn't want to be or isnt part if the family but as much as I have encouraged him to join in he isolates himself
He says his brother and sisters don't like him but the only time he bothers with them he calls them names and bullies them
I've no ideas left on what to do with him I've took his phone and telly off him grounded him but it doesn't make a difference

Be nice, its sounds like you're at breaking point, but if you listen to the meanings behind what you've written.
He feels pushed out by his half siblings, he thinks you like them more, he thinks you treat them better, he thinks everyone hates him. He has no phone, no telly and is grounded the world is out to get him (especially you).
I'm not saying this is true, and I have no doubt his behaviour is appalling, but that's how he currently feels. As counterintuitive as it seems you need to work on being nice to him and going to his level. To join in with things he likes, to carve out time for just the two of you, to listen. And you also (like a toddler) need to catch him being good and make a fuss of them. Find those positive things which are there and focus on them. It will make him feel less isolated, and also help you get out of the negative spiral.
Hold lines re behaviour but don't go negative, disengage from the bad and reengage from the good. That means giving him rewards to earn and ways of regaining his privileges.

Some excellent advice above. I'm just wondering if he sees his DF at all?

I've found this thread as had a testing day with my DS 14.
I actually googled earlier 'teenager acting like toddler' so thought the PP above is spot on!
I've read about punishing teens and it's a fine line. Quick short punishments are best apparently.
So phone gone for an hour or the rest of the day.
Although I'm not sure that's worked today for us!
I'm sure you haven't made your son feel left out - they cling onto anything they can but if you do make special time together (even watching a box set together now and again) it can only help.
Good luck