teen lying about boyfriend - help.pls

[theunrivalledjoysofparenting]

Dd 15 sneaked her bf in overnight a couple of months ago when I was away. DH was there. This week I am away again. Dd comes back to ours with her bf, DH comes home early and they're upstairs. That's our one rule - bf doesn't go up to dd's room. They have a den downstairs.

DH was upset and asked bf to leave. He's disappointed that dd let us down.

wwyd? Any sanctions? She's meant to be earning our trust back... she says they were just talking and I believe her, but why do it? Why break our one rule?

Advice please...

Anyone?

Sorry but to put it bluntly, teenagers will take every opportunity to have alone alone time with their boyfriends. Just because they was in her room doesn’t mean they were having sex as that’s most probably why you have that rule.. but hun when you and your partner are in work and you leave her for a little while whilst she’s still in bed that’s an opportunity for her to get him round! Teenagers have sex. Doesn’t mean she does all of the time! Please talk to her about safe sex and contraception if you haven’t already. I personally think you should let them chill out in her room... but with the door open and you continue to check on them. That way you aren’t “encouraging” them to have sex. If they decide to do it on the sly.. not much you can do as it can happen anywhere. Relationships aren’t just about sex, it’s about having a laugh and loving each other’s company. Even if that’s just watching a film and cuddling! I know parents that allow their teens that age to sleep together in the same room but would rather it that way, and of course puts them on contraception(they are open minded parents) it’s getting more common to allow it now. Every parent has different views. I’d much rather my daughter be doing IF she is to be open about it with me and I’d rather it happen in a safe environment than the chance it could happen in public areas. Not only that, even in a house it happens behind parents backs! Whatever you choose to do, please look at the situation with an open mind, and make you decision. Your views may be different to mine. It’s 2019, generations change massively. Are they good together? Do they seem to have a healthy relationship? That’s all that matters really! Hope it all works out well. Your house your rules as you say, unless you alter them! I’m sure you can trust her, she’s being a human being. Yes she’s a teen but she’s human. Sex is something that we all have done/do. X

I agree your daughter will find a way to have sex with her bf if she wants, whatever your rules. I used to sneak my bf into my room at her age too! You could ban him from coming round etc but I would take a different tack, make sure she's safe and healthy and welcome bf into your lives. Anything else will push her away and risk damaging your relationship. Like Maddison I'm more liberal than some though!

Aww don't be too hard on her. Like previous posters I did this too. My parents were so annoyed. I still feel guilty about it now and it was over 20 years ago!
Is she a good kid in general? Is he a nice boyfriend?
I'm with the chill out a bit brigade

Been through this with my Dd, at the time almost 16. They would go to her room to make out. After 5 months she told me they had discussed sex and could I help with contraception. We talked very openly about sex, relationships and expectations and I believe if I hadn’t been so trusting and non judgmental she would not have felt comfortable being honest and open with me. I took the approach that she was in a committed relationship and they both were respectful and loving towards each other and sex is a natural part of a relationship. At the same time ( she had just turned 16) a number of her friends were going to parties and having casual sex in bathrooms with boys keen to have their first experience. I guess my point is when they feel ready for sex they will have it and IMO it is much better to have a positive first experience with a boyfriend she loves and trusts and who respects her, in a safe environment.
Dd has been in the relationship for almost 2 years now and although it is ending I feel this was one of the moments in her life that brought us closer together, she knows she can tell me anything and I won’t judge.
Obviously it depends on your own child’s emotional maturity and your own family values, I am just sharing my own experience to offer another perspective.