teenager (14) needing advice

[dinosaur22]

so i know this is like a thing for mums but i am not particularly close with my mum and i know she’s mentioned this site before so thought i’d get some other advice from you guys. i am a girl, 14. my best friend is in a relationship and has been for almost a year and a half, it’s very serious, i used too be good friends with her boyfriend aswell, i know they’ve been sleeping together for a long while without protection, she’s had multiple pregnancy scared not only that her boyfriend is well he’s abusive. physically and mentally, there’s videos of him slapping her, he’s punched and kicked her on hundreds of occasions, he beats her up for talking back and tells her she’s nothing and stuff the usual verbal stuff. he also cheated on her multiple times, messaging other girls including our close friends of course majority ignored but the ones who we don’t know sometimes did response, sending nudes and asking too meet up etc, they used to break up a lot they did after the cheating but she forgave him. i’ve tried talking to her about it a million times but she says it’s fine and he’s been fine recently i know it’s not true through other friends and sometimes she has bruises or let’s slip what’s happened. both there parents know they’ve slept together, they think it was once with protection a year ago (not true at all) i would never tell her parents or his a’s that’s not my place and a horrible position to put them in, what can i say too her? especially since she’s got anxiety i fell like if i start talking to her about it she’ll worry about her situation, he’s extremely smart and does really well @ school, she’s the opposite , she’s the loveliest girl so nice and funny, but she’s not the brightest so i feel he takes advantage of it, i see less and less of her and he doesn’t let her come out with friends, we go out in large groups at the weekend and her boyfriend doesn’t let her come. i know this is so confusing and obviously not that detailed but it’s the jist of things, really not sure how to handle it as i am a single and haven’t dealt with any of these issues personally. advice pls really appreciate it xx

What a horrific situation. You need to tell an adult- he is abusive. What he is doing is not okay. She doesn’t have to know it was you- you could tell a member of staff at school or phone the NSPCC.

You need to tell an adult that knows her.
Or tell a teacher. This abuse is very serious how does one of their parents not see if he doesn't let her out.

Go to someone at school. I felt like my only self worth came from teenage boys when I was 14 and it damaged me for a long time.
Go to a teacher. She doesn't have to know it was you

Or childline has a helpline

You must speak to an adult honey. Then someone can help her get out of this awful situation. Is there someone at school you can speak to or your own parents/family?

Friends don't let friends stay in abusive situations.

She's been made to think that this is all she's worth but that is a lie.

You may get flack/blame/told to myob but ultimately you'd regret "doing nothing" a lot more than "doing something", even if the "something" turns out to be not perfect.

@Georgiemcgeorgeface@SRK16@mcmen71@getmeacupoftea the school knows a lot of what’s happened , her support teacher knows pretty much everything and did nothing, she was bulimic for a while and i told the school privately out of concern and they only asked her and she denied it was the end of it. the parents don’t notice as it’s passed of as oh nobody out me n my boyfriend are just sitting in type thing, i feel awful as if it’s my fault it’s gone in this long

sorry @SRK16 @mcmen71 @getmeacupoftea original tags didn’t work x

@dinosaur22 it's not your fault at all and you're clearly a good person for wanting to help your friend. I agree with the other posters that you need to seek help from an adult you trust - phoning the NSPCC like some other people suggested might be a good idea if you don't think your school are helping appropriately. Are you able to speak to your parents about it for help? It's really too serious for you to manage on your own and your friend does need help.

@Trixya me and my mum aren’t close and my dad well that’s no because he’s a bit of a deadbeat, just worried she’ll deny it all if people get involved

also too add people know like majority of our friends, people don’t seem to care am i overreacting? like i know i must seem quite naive and stuff but i am only 14 so have no idea

sorry for spamming but for anybody wondering i first noticed the controlling stuff about 3 months in, my mum was away for the weekend and i had a party (stupid i know) no alcohol just friends round my house , most didn’t leave till around 11 as it was easter break and we live in a small town so not far to walk , he made her leave at 7 even though she was aloud till later, she tried telling him she wanted to stay which turned into him smiling saying they were leaving and taking her by the wrist i was like worried but tried to not jump to conclusions that was april 2018

Georgiemcgeorgeface
You must speak to an adult honey. Then someone can help her get out of this awful situation. Is there someone at school you can speak to or your own parents/family?
--
I agree with this and others who have said much the same. This is too much for you to carry at your age.

You sound like a really good friend.

He’s an abuser. No ifs no buts. You should speak to your school again and point out this is both a safeguarding and a police matter. The school have been unbelievably lax.

Sorry to lay that on your shoulders but you’re the only one behaving like an adult.

If they don’t act you could email ofsted and say what you’ve said here and that the school know and have done nothing.

You could also go to the police yourself - domestic abuse doesn’t require the victim to report it for them to take action.

Learn from this. Never let a boy treat you like this. Is isn’t normal and it’s not ok. Most men are never violent, they don’t say cruel things, they don’t control you. None of his behaviour is ok or normal at all.

thank you so much for the advice so far, i go back to school next week, i am going to try talk to her first i think then if that fails i’ll go to our support teachers x

There's lots of advice and support online google coercive control or look on women's aid website. There is advice for friends about how to speak to women who are in abusive relationships too. Well done for trying to help.