to want DS16 to turn phone off at night

[PuppetString]

DS16, during holidays, I notice is keeping phone on and in his room at night and is up to 1, even 2, in the morning as a result.

There are lots of calls and talking after midnight, from friends. Last night he was still on phone at 1 a.m., which I can hear by the way, as we live in a small flat. It also means he's up late, moving around, popping into kitchen, bathroom etc which keeps me awake. Plus it means him having lie-ins till midday as of course he's too tired to get up.

Anyway, I've told him to switch his phone off and put it in living room by 10 p.m. He's said no. I said well in that case I'm going to switch your phone SIM off. He said we'll talk about it later.

Honestly, I'm sooooooooooo sick of the whole frigging phone controls thing. I mean I could say "OK do what you frigging want, its your funeral" but I really don't think its healthy (or necessary) to be up that late talking on the phone. Plus its affecting me.

AIBU?

i would tell him that whilst im not going to stop him going on his phone at night, i am asking him to stop talking on the phone past 11:30 (or whatever time you go to bed) because i can hear him and its disrupting my sleep.

Thanks.

Now he's 16 I've drawn back on some of my controls around phone use, but I think being up till midnight and 1 a.m. and beyond is still a step too far even at 16.

But I find the whole issue of what to do re. teens and phones irritating and confusing (and I know I'm not the only one) and am not sure ...

p.s. if the phone is "on", my suspicion is he will answer it!

all phones should be given to parents at bed time , he is 16 not 18.

He's 16 and it's the holidays. I don't think staying up till midnight or 1 is particularly crazy and presumably he's just chatting to pals, etc. If it's waking you up though he needs to be more quiet.

I dont let mine talk after 10pm or I take the phone off them. I let 16yo keep it but she just uses snapchat so not making noise.

I wouldn't restrict phone access for mine (youngest is 16) during the holidays, however as someone who likes to be in bed by 10pm I wouldn't tolerate them disturbing me after that time.

My parents had a rule growing up that our TV / music etc had to be off when they went to bed. There was never any issue that's how we were bought up and it happened. If we had friends over as we got older etc we were allowed to leave it on a bit later but we learned from an early age to be quiet and respectful.
My son is only 3 but we started a similar theme when he was about 2. When he woke up in the morning we told him he could get up in his bedroom and play quietly with his toys until his growclock came on, but he wasn't to come in to mummy and daddy until then unless it was an emergency.

I don't take my 16yr old's phone off her at night but she does know not to disturb me after I've gone to bed, usually around 10pm if I'm up for work the next day. Sounds like he just needs to learn to be quiet and have more consideration for you.

Use the phone Parental Control option, it's very useful and free!
Iphone already has the option in setting>screentime, just set the limits and a passcode to avoid changes.
For android phone install Family Link on your phone and the teen version on his phone. Then by your one set the time limits. Check that Family Link has administrative privileges, not in the battery saving option, and block the phone setting and google assistant app.

It would be good not only block the phone like from 9pm to 8am, but also set a maximum daily limit of screen time to 2hours or even 1 if he use computer, tablet or TV too.
In addiction you could block all the inappropriate stuff, check his online activities and allow new app installation only after your approval. I did all of these with Family link on my teen daughters phone and IMO it's indispensable.

Not much to add op but I feel your pain. My ds is also 16 and the same with his phone.

My bedroom is next to his and I hear everything, he spends most nights on a 4 way group chat on Xbox and gets very vocal. I have severe insomnia and once I'm awake that's me up for the day.

I've lost count of the times when he's woke me up at 2/3am with stupid noises or laughing etc. Luckily I don't have to get up for work or I would be coming down on him like a ton of bricks.

When he starts college next month it's back to 10pm wind down for bed and he is very good at getting up early. Just annoying to listen to!

I'm sorry but I don't know why any of you put op with noisy and inconsiderate teens late at night. Tell them to pipe the fuck down after you've gone to bed, or their electronics will be confiscated! You're letting them walk all over you.

I'm sorry but I don't know why any of you put op with noisy and inconsiderate teens late at night. Tell them to pipe the fuck down after you've gone to bed, or their electronics will be confiscated! You're letting them walk all over you.

Thank you all for your posts. Especially appreciated chocolates. Its good for parents to be told sometimes to grow some. I have always been a bit strict compared to some parents e.g. he didn't even have a smart phone till he was 13-14. But I have been struggling with what stance to take now he is an older teen.

What happened next was DS16 said we would talk about it sometime when he felt like it. Of course that time never came.

As he kept delaying it, we started talking about it today at my insistence or I told him his phone would be cut off immediately for a week. Immediately arguing ensued, because he constantly flares and interrupts and cannot have a normal calm conversation.

So I had to get an object from the room - an ornament - and we had to take turns in talking. This was very difficult for my son, but we managed it, and we had a 20-30 minute conversation taking turns with our viewpoints - without arguing or shouting. A few times I felt a bit tearful because he was actually critical of me, or seemed to misunderstand where I was coming from. But it was worth it in the end, as it did clarify a lot e.g. what he spends his time doing on the phone and what he uses it for etc etc, plus a couple of general things about his life. I was also labouring under some misapprehensions I think, so it was helpful for me to understand more. I also tried to get across that apart from the night-time curfew, which was for all our benefit, I was trying to do this generally for his benefit. On this subject, I was just unsure what to do for the best, which is why we were having this conversation.

The upshot is that we have agreed he give me his phone at 10 p.m. in the holidays, possibly at 9 p.m. when he goes back to school. We'll talk about the school phone curfew again just before he goes back.

Again, thank you for all your different views. In the end it helped us come to, hopefully at least, an agreement that works.

Well done OP. Teens are not easily to deal with sometimes, I have a very defensive one!