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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds1 was late home from a night out

16 replies

elliollie · 03/08/2019 00:44

Ds1 is 17 and an muso type. He's in his first band and loves drama, music and all things performance. He's not a 'cool' kid and he doesn't care. He doesn't go into town to the clubs like a lot of the lads his age.
Tonight he asked to go to a karaoke bar in town (about 3 miles away). It's only the second time he's been out in town and the first time he watched his friends band and called me when he was on his way home on the bus at about half 10.
Tonight he said he'd be in for midnight, at 12.15 I called him. Phone off as usual, even though I asked him to keep it on.
At half 12 he arrived home, having had two beers and regaling me with tales of singing.
He was fine. I was not. It's only half an hour. I didn't tell him off, I just said I don't mind him being late, just let me know.
I'm going to be a nervous wreck by the time he's 21 aren't I!!
I do have issues with anxiety and I got my period today which hasn't helped.
Hand me a grip please!Hmm

OP posts:
shadowloveragain · 03/08/2019 01:02

Ffs he is practically an adult and sounds very trustworthy. Christ when I was 17 I was out in the pub every weekend having more than 2 drinks!

CanYouHelpFindThis · 03/08/2019 01:05

His 17....

He doesn't need a keeper...

I was working full time at 16

Original poster
elliollie · 03/08/2019 01:06

GrinMe too. Possibly part of why I'm worried.
Thanks for the gripGrin

OP posts:
Firefliess · 03/08/2019 10:06

I think it's unlikely his phone was actually switched off. More likely be is choosing to ignore your calls. See if you can strike a deal with him when he lets you know what time he'll be in and you don't go calling him if he's late as it'll be embarrassing for him. Text instead if you're really worried. I also go to bed rather than waiting up for teens of 16+ and text them asking them to lock up and stitch the landing light off when they get in - so they get to feel responsible and trusted, and I can get to bed but know that they're in safely before sleeping

Haggisfish · 03/08/2019 10:07

Or ask if you can put find a friend on so he doesn’t have to reply?

sheshootssheimplores · 03/08/2019 10:08

At 17 my parents gave me full freedom.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2019 10:09

Back off, for God's sake

CremeEggThief · 03/08/2019 10:11

Get a grip. My 16 year old DS sometimes texts me on Friday or Saturday nights at 11/12, to say he's staying overnight at a friend's, and then strolls in any time between 1 and 7 p.m. the next day. All part and parcel of growing up and becoming independent.

DogsandBoysmeanMud · 03/08/2019 10:11

This is what my 15yo did!! And I would have been grateful with only half hour late.

CremeEggThief · 03/08/2019 10:12

Oh and some of his friends are already experiencing this freedom at 15.

HypatiaCade · 03/08/2019 10:12

He sounds like a lovely boy! Well done in raising him. Now it's time to sit back, internally grin at the tipsy antics, and be proud that you have a relationship where he wants to share his night out with you.

BrokenWing · 03/08/2019 12:25

It is completely normal to feel worried/anxious when they are a young adult late home and you can't contact them, but it is time to start letting go. Tell him you worry, you know he's ok but it is a mum thing and would appreciate a quick text if he's going to be late, but you can't insist on it.

Or you can do what my parents did (1980s, well before mobile phones), don't give him a house key and tell him you go to bed at midnight and if he isn't home by then the door will be locked and he can find somewhere else to stay that night 🤔. I eventually stayed out one night, told them I'd lost track of time, but a nice guy I'd met in the pub put me up since I wouldn't have been able to get in and what else was I supposed to do, sleep on the street? 🤷‍♀️ (I actually planned in advance to stay at a friends), got the key the next day 😂.

As a teen I felt they were way too strict and controlling, dad was way more stick than carrot in his parenting style (was a big softie as a grandparent though!), but now as the parent of a teen I understand how worried they must have been but they were still too strict and controlling

Crispmonster123 · 03/08/2019 12:29

You’re being strict

Teachermaths · 03/08/2019 12:30

Wow this is an extreme reaction OP.
He's 17 not 7.

I'd have gone to bed and seen him in the morning.

mcmen71 · 03/08/2019 13:03

Oh OP you will be up the walls by the time he moves out if your that stressed now.
Maybe he met a nice girl/boy didn't want to rush home.

lljkk · 04/08/2019 18:45

You can do this, OP. Lighten up a bit. I bet you raised a sensible kid who can keep themselves safe.

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