Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

DD going wierd

14 replies

Gargoyl · 31/07/2007 22:34

From the age of 12 my DD started liking rock music, just the usual stuff that everyone else liked but for the past year or so she's moved onto much heavier, darker music, she's been listening to White Zombie, Metallica etc and she seems to have changed, her friends have changed and she's hanging around with older poeple, mostly male student types, she's going to metal gigs, dressing in metal stuff, horrible makeup and her old friends are having nothing to do with her. She saved up half of the money towards a guitar and I paid the rest since she impressed me with her ability to play and she chose one with a spider web design all over it and has now joined a black metal band where again she is the only girl.

I know they all go through phases but she is alienating herself, changing herself completely and I am concerned.

Am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/07/2007 22:42

i like the music but am not that involved!

my bro, however, did.

he dyed his hair black and grew it half way down his back, started drinking vodka neat from the bottle, started ripping his clothes so they all looked 'worn', turned vegetarian out of the blue, and yes, totally alienated himself from everyone.
he told me he hated 'trendies' and 'sheep'.

anyhoo, he soon came out of it.

i think it was a phase tbh. he told us he would always be like it but he isn't now.

i know it doesn't help you now, but i'm sure she will come out of it.

maybe someone else more in your position can help, im sure there will be someone, if they have not already beaten me to it.

Beauregard · 31/07/2007 22:42

I was the same as your dd.
Show an interest in her new hobbie and new friends ,just because her friends look scarey doesn't mean they are.It is just an image,she is finding her own sense of style and feels welcome in this lifestyle.
I still love Metallica etc but i also like classical ,pop etc.
Oh and i don't dress like a 'rocker'either.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/07/2007 22:44

how old is she?

my bro turned hard core at 18 and then turned back at 20. he is now 21.

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 31/07/2007 22:47

SOunds exactly like me at that age.

Am now perfectly normal (though still love Metallica amongst other things).

All teenagers go through something to freak out their parents

I still remember my sister dressing up as me for Halloween

itwasntme · 31/07/2007 22:50

My sister was like that, she grew out of it.

Most of the metalheads from my school ended up with the best jobs.

Ignore it, it'll pass

TheHerdNerd · 31/07/2007 22:51

I got into the whole hardcore/alternative scene at about 14/15 or so, and I still like my music with "teeth".

The thing that I and my friends knew to be true was that the alternative/rock/goth/metal scene is a lot less aggressive and a lot more cerebral than the regular pop/mass market scenes.

I'd be proud of her - it's hard to decide to buck the trend!

By the way, I'm now a steady dressing, mortgage laden, double glazing buying software engineer. Dead middle of the road.

Are White Zombie STILL popular!? Cool!

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 31/07/2007 22:53

"The thing that I and my friends knew to be true was that the alternative/rock/goth/metal scene is a lot less aggressive and a lot more cerebral than the regular pop/mass market scenes. "

Definately agree witht he lot less agressive thing.

Beauregard · 31/07/2007 22:58

Totally agree

bananabump · 31/07/2007 23:04

I agree with that too. At least she isn't chavving it up, going joyriding in boyracer cars and being an antisocial hooligan like many teenagers are currently!

I was exactly the same from about 14 to about 18, long dark hair and clothes, lip piercing and pale/black makeup, listening to marilyn manson and generally feeling very misunderstood!

By 18 I was dressing "normally" again, but still have a penchant for candles, incense and the cure!

Please, please don't worry. That whole scene looks so much worse than it is, they're usually quite bright kids who are kicking against conformity (by dressing in a black uniform exactly like their friends! lol)

She'll grow out of it by 19, I bet you a tenner.

Boysarenteasy · 01/08/2007 08:37

I agree, it'll be OK. My DS2 was heavily into "death metal" aged 14 onwards ("Cannibal Corpse", anyone?). He now still likes it, but is moving on to other genres. At the time, I was really worried. And yes, underneath all that black, all of his friends were pussycats!

auntysocial · 01/08/2007 08:57

I was exactly the same, LOVED heavy metal, Metallica, Guns n Roses, Skid Row, White Zombie...and I did the whole hair dying, piercings, wierd clothes thing too and those were the happiest days of my life. I still love rock music and my kids are growing up the same, my 8 year old prides himself on being "punk"...I just don't dress "metal" anymore but I recently went to a Wildhearts show and dressed up as I used to when I was a Teen and I absolutely loved it, so many happy memories, lovely people (bikers can be the sweetest people!) and I really wish I could act like that permanantly, but I'm a "sensible mum" now

ProfYaffle · 01/08/2007 09:13

Another teenage indie kid here. I never really grew out of it although being a Mum of two has curtailed me somewhat! My dress sense has slid into general scruffiness rather than anything outrageous these days.

Totally agree with other posters, it tends to be the bright kids at school that get into these kind of 'scenes' and they are definately less violent and aggressive than mainstream pubs/clubs etc. tbh I'd be very relieved if my dd's got into metal rather than charty stuff.

Leati · 01/08/2007 09:15

Here that is referred to as "GOTH." Personally I don't think you are over reacting, she is your baby and you are concerned. She is only 12. Hmm. I would do a little intervening. There is no reason for a 12 year old girl to be hanging out with older male students. Don't go crazy but just a few rules, so that you can be comfortable.

Oh and I would snoop while she is out. Look through her stuff and make sure there are no signs of drugs or anything else you need to be concerned about.

KITTENSOCKS · 01/08/2007 11:16

Hair, piercings, make-up, clothes etc. can all be easily reversed. I'd be much more worried about tattoos myself.
However, hanging around with much older people is a worry. Do you really trust that she will be able to get out of any situation she is unhappy with?
Do you know the crowd she hangs out with personally, do they come to your house? If not, invite them, say you'd like to meet them, nothing heavy, just to chat about their philosophy, music etc. Do they know her real age? If she's been lying to them it could change the whole group dynamic, and while they may be legal to drink and have sex, she is not, does she realise the implications for them and her. (Not saying that she is, but is possible).
You have a right as her parent to know her friends, and where she goes, and what she does in her early teens. If there's nothing to hide she'll let you know. In this case "it's none of your business" is not an option.

Flip