DD 17 has just been diagnosed with autism

[sandwiches77]

DD received a positive diagnosis for Autism a couple of days ago she is 17 and has been masking. Breaks my heart that we didn't know sooner. Thankfully Counsellor from CAMHS picked up the signs and signposted her for an assessment.

Any other parents in the same boat? DD struggling with making friends, time keeping, restrictive food choices, emotions, organising herself, reading social cues. Can anyone offer any practical advice that is applicable for teenagers? eg, I've read that visual timetables, timers, glowing alarm clocks give some practical solutions but this seems aimed at younger children??

Really looking for tried and tested practical solutions must support on how to cope with the diagnosis from a parents point of view

I understand how you feel, but you know now and that will make understanding her and supporting her easier as you go forward. She must be a very strong young woman to have got this far herself.

If she has any sensory issues then this book might be useful The Out-Of-Sync Child Grows Up: Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder in the Adolescent and Young Adult Years https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0399176314/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_HTRmDbFSA76DD

If you are not sure about how sensory stuff is affecting her something like this might help though aimed at younger kids Answers to Questions Teachers Ask about Sensory Integration: Forms, Checklists, and Practical Tools for Teachers and Parents https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1931615039/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_UXRmDbD40N252

Senses also include the 5 usual ones plus vestibular (balance- connects to ears) and proprioception (relates to knowing where your body is in space)

Really looking into what she finds hardest or is putting a lot of energy into overcoming will help you devise things that help. My ds often needs written lists as doesn't take in verbal instructions well and poor working memory means he forgets day to day stuff that needs doing like hygiene.
You will find a way.

Just a thought would she get into bullet journaling to help with organisation? Lots online about how to do it

Mine uses her smartphone a lot for all sorts of reminders, lists and alarms.

Brilliant news that she has received this diagnosis - look on it as a positive. Having got this far with masking it would have been so easy for her to have never been diagnosed and reached her 40s before getting any clue as to why life was so difficult (that was my experience)

I can't offer any practical advice for what support will help as I never had any support. The most important thing is for her to understand that there's nothing wrong with her. She us brilliant and she will find her path. The things she finds difficult will always be difficult and she now knows why. This is a blessing.

Being aware of the reason she struggles with things others find easy should help her although it might take some time for her to process it. She might enjoy watching some of the interesting young YouTubers with autism here's one I like you can find lots more m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxJwH74o1Ck

I'm autistic and bullet journaling has saved me professonally.
An a6 notebook I carry everywhere so I write down every single thing on my to-do list.

There might be mentoring programmes near you for girls to meet and work with older women with autism. Swan is trialing one in Scotland.

#askingautistics on twitter is useful too.
Or #actuallyautistic.

How is she feeling about everything?

There's a graphic novel called something like 'camouflaged' that I liked.

wordery.com/camouflage-sarah-bargiela-9781785925665?currency=GBP&gtrck=Y3pOT2ljdXZUS3dwRi9jZStWUERRNGV1LzVVSkl0a1haM045SlhmZkNXZ0hOc1pUcHFtdEhYRmhoOHFPZ2NjTWlMVTltWEVlcEgzaVVyMmNDbDFEOHc9PQ&gclid=CjwKCAjw98rpBRAuEiwALmo-yvQR3INE6O-lskoolqcvwwy7G62eJqVbC57KKemCa0sfJz8dBvxOfhoCAP8QAvD_BwE

Sounds like she's getting support. If she's applying to university make sure she declares that she has asd, many universities have good programmes of support, Ive been very impressed (though dd chose our home university)

Thanks for all your messages. DD reluctant to tell anyone (including family). She just says 'it's only autism, it's not a big deal' but when out with my mum today she was quite blunt to Mum's eating habits.

DD doesn't want me to tell College and get her some support with her A levels when she returns in September. Obviously I've got the summer holidays to persuade her or I can go behind her back and tell the College anyway. Don't know what to do....

So, an update to this thread. DD dropped out of College, the social side has became too much for her. She is currently doing her A levels online, studying at night, sleeping up to 12 hours in the daytime

I have suggested that she goes to the Dr's but she refuses

She has a very poor diet, she wears the same clothes night and day, and hardly changes her underwear. She doesn't wash/shower and smells awful (which of course doesn't help to gain friends)

Makes me so sad, is there an end to this, will she ever 'get better'? I work with a couple of people who have autism so am telling myself it will pass once over the tricky teens, but will it....

OP, I'm so sorry to hear how your dd is struggling. Mine is much younger (12), was diagnosed last year. She's doing well at school but we've had a lot of behaviour difficulties at home.

I think the mistake we made was to make the autism and associated anxiety the be all and end all to the exclusion of proper discipline. To the point that dd started to rule the roost at home. She had far too much power which wasn't good for her or us.

We are now getting support and we are changing the way we do things. Putting rules in place, not letting dd dictate what we can and cannot do. She needs boundaries and some things are not negotiable.

I know your dd is older but I would start with the sleeping patterns and hygiene. I don't know exactly how you do it but don't allow her autism to make allowances. She HAS to shower, she HAS to change her clothes, she HAS to start sleeping at the proper time. It will mean you need to intervene as much as necessary.

Is she having any tutoring for the A Levels?