DS 14 very disorganised

[Karwomannghia]

Hi my DS is incredibly disorganised. He needs telling to get showered and wash his hair, can’t really tidy his room without help and I’ve had emails from his dance teacher to say his uniform is far too small and she and another teacher have spoken to him several times but he’s never remembered to pass on the message. I felt so. Embarrassed when she described how tight his clothes were.
I tidy his room quite a lot for him as I can’t bear it being so dark and messy.
He’s doing well academically, does his homework and basically carries all his books so has them all with him. Teachers have said before he takes too long to get his things out at the start.
He’ll do things like pack his stuff in a bag far too small and hold the rest in his hand when going away for a night.
He’s a lovely boy, does things when asked fairly willingly. He’s quite emotional and can tear up if I ever raise my voice a little in frustration.
He’s said he can’t hear very well so I’m going to get his hearing tested but when I did I listening test he was ok so I thought it was more processing information or selective hearing.
Any advice to support him?
At primary I had timetables and stuff but the school organisation isn’t too bad apart from passing on letters which I text him about or he puts on his phone.
Saying he should be doing xyz by now isn’t helpful, I know this, I don’t want to get into a conflict with him.

What are his motor skills like (suspect OK as he does dance?). If they are an issue you could look at Dyspraxia / DCD (Development Coordination Disorder). Or a look at Executive Functioning issues.

He sounds quite like my DD1 who was formally recognised with dyspraxia in y11. She needed quite a lot of scaffolding/support in secondary as the demands of workload and processing increased. She is hopeless with problem solving and looking steps ahead, but getting there.

I did a daily list for my sons on their walls, that basically walked them through their morning routine which did include things like shower, deodorant, open your curtains etc. I started it in year 4 when they both started puberty so needed to shower daily.

It meant I never had to nag, they just had a routine in place at home to follow. They also had an after school one, again basic change your clothes, get a snack. The routine then just becomes habit.

Maybe over summer he could practise getting stuff out of his school bag quicker. But I would also be considering all the possibilities Teen has listed too.

He was quite clumsy but he’s done dance since he was 5 and I think it’s helped him a lot with that. It never came that naturally to him but he enjoys it.
He had to have a few interventions with his handwriting at school and had a funny patch where he had to do everything symmetrically, tapping and funny mouth tics. All gone now.
So i think he could have dyspraxia but I can’t see school doing anything because he’s achieving and pleasant which is all they care about! When the pressure mounts it might change I guess.
I will go back to the checklists again!

Mine is a bit like this. He is 14. Same kind of issues at school and they mentioned may be processing speed or something, but it seems to be improving a bit. i find doing it with him helps, e.g. checking clothes, asking him, helping him tidy, rather than doing it all for them, so then they get the hang of it a bit? Mine takes ages tying laces and stuff, but is clever and does well at school. I was the same at that age too. It is frustrating, but he sounds sensitive also (mine too) so maybe try and be positive and encouraging.

Also, we put things in bags- so cadets- green bag, blue for PE and black for games, stuck a checklist of what each day on the fridge, as can be forgetful. I try and get him to check it.

Yes I need to give more time to helping him. I’ve got less on from September so I’m going to make that more of a priority. Will also get hearing checked out to rule it out if nothing else!

My 17 year old has just been diagnosed with DCD. School were mainly useless, I mentioned possible Dyspraxia a few times and they said he definitely didn't have it as he plays the guitar well. His handwriting was shocking though and always has been. School arranged for him to sit his exams using ICT. We eventually pursued via the GP as he will need support in Uni. Again, he is a pleasant boy and very academically able but he came unravelled in his first year of exams as he wasn't really able to deal with conflicting demands of so many subjects and under-performed massively. Turns out he is in bottom 5% for motor skills and also has hyper-mobile joints.

I'd definitely see the GP OP. DS could ride a bike at age 3 (and in the era before balance bikes) so the fact that your DS can dance is not necessarily a contra indicator. Consultant said to DS that it doesn't mean he can't do things, just that it might take longer and that he often wont be able to transfer learning to a new task.