Managing phone use in the summer holidays

[RustyNail]

Does anyone have any tips on how to manage phone use (regarding duration as opposed to content in this context)? My DC are grumpy and unhelpful when they have access to their phones, so I confiscate them. DC are lovely again and gets the phone back, then they get more obsessed with said phone, more grumpy, less helpful resulting in another confiscation and so the cycle continues.

DH & I agree that we need stricter phone access times for our DC to try and enhance general attitude and contribution to family life based on the evidence that they are both more kind, lovely and helpful when they don't have their phones.

How does anyone here manage their teens' phone time so that they aren't glued to it 24/7, are helpful around the house and generally pleasant to be around?

Watching this as have 2 iPad/x box addicted teens whom I am dreading having to police full time over the summer!

Can you agree some 'online' hours so that they can stay in contact but not in a way which impacts family life?

e.g.
8am-9am to check for messages
After evening meal for 2 hours
other times negotiated?

Not

• meals
• outings
• hour before evening meal (so free to help if asked)
• after 8:30pm

Probably depends on whether they are 13 or 17.

They are 13 & 14.

Nordstrom that's just it. The policing of it. It makes me feel like such a nag because they always push the boundaries. I need to prepare to stand firm and be tough, I think.

We generally find that encouraging them to do other things (where they naturally stop using the phone/screen) works better than setting rules around use (which are subject to arguments and moaning and can't be policed if we are not about anyway).

So our expectations would be

• you leave the house at some point in the day
• you complete specified household chores
• you organise activities (hanging out with friends counts as an activity) for at least the majority of days.

I'm impressed at your teens being up between 8 and 9 in holidays Teen !!

God if you find a way then please me know. Have an 11 yr old currently glued to hers. I've tried discussing, reasoning, reminding, cajoling and nagging. Argh! Other than setting actual time limits (her phone is inaccessible 7.30am to 8pm and we have an hour limit on YouTube) I'm not sure how to achieve this?? I said I can't entertain her all day every day and she needs to choose other activities. Falling on deaf ears currently.

*should say only accessible 7.30-8

Red I didn't say they were.

DD2 is quite variable in the holidays, sometimes 7:30, sometimes 9:30. But we used to have a 'no TV first thing' rule. Now we sort of have a 'no TV after I'm up' rule - so DD gets up to watch it early! (She likes her TV).

What @RedSkyLastNight said.
To avoid arguing dont ban it etc. Just try to have things organised which means phone use is off.
Seeing friends, cinema, bowling, football, skate park etc all encouraged here
Good luck to us all lol!

I use the ap "Our Pact". It allows you to set up times that their phone is available and when it isn't. It also allows you to block all installed ap's or just certain ones. I use this during term time to block the phone during class time (is back on for breaks) and it goes off at 10.30pm at night. During holidays the phone is blocked at different times depending on what is happening. Sometimes I just flick snapchat and instagram off for a while so she has a break from the super addictive ap's!! If Daughter is rude or has been asked to do something numerous times, it is shut off for a while! She used to really kick off about having it on there but doesn't bother to argue it anymore!

We use the apple parental controls to limit dd ‘s screen time. She has 3 hours. When it’s used up she can only make calls or send texts.

No need for standing firm or hanging tough or any of that..

Having had 13/14 year olds way before smartphones were a thing I can confidently assure you that it's not the phones, it's the age.

I would loosen up completely apart from a cutoff time at night, and try to suffer through this phase of your teens' development until they turn 16.

In the meantime, you and DH need to plan family outings, watch tv/Netflix shows together and chat about them, you need to be firm on chores - they need to have household jobs that they do daily; they need to become responsible for their own laundry and each one needs to plan and cook and clear up after one family meal every night. They also need to learn house DIY skills and car repair/maintenance.

You need a family dinner nightly.

I totally agree. Unfortunately every single one of these suggestions causes massive meltdowns! I hate using phones as a disciplinary tool but it appears to be the only thing we have and any day now ds will hack his way out of that too :(

I work a lot of evenings ( performing arts) and my dd (13) has swimming training 3 evenings a week so the family dinner that we ‘need nightly’ is just not realistic for us and I expect others have similar situations. We have not had any meltdowns so far over the 3 hour limit.

We have tried most of the parental software available to control dd’s phone use - each time she has managed to remove or circumvent. We now keep WiFi permanently off, to limited effect - there is a hotspot - and withdrawn pocket money. We don’t pay for the phone anymore - she just uses the free Apps. It has been a real battle.

DS has had a smart phone since 11(now 15) We have never had to police him as such but have always had certain rules in place. No phones at tables while eating, no phones when sitting watching a family film etc. Slowly he has managed to police himself so that if conversation or family time is happening then he will put his phone away. BTW this only works because these rules apply to EVERYONE in the family adults included, you can not have one rule for teenagers and one rule for adults as they see it as grossly unfair.