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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS turned 16 and wants to throw away the rule book!

11 replies

37SAx · 17/07/2019 10:10

Hi
my DS is 16 and recently finished his GCSE's. he wants to stay out really late, during the week, hanging out with his mates and at mates houses (gaming I think, but he tells us little/nothing about what he's doing). Husband and I have to be up early for work, so when DS is not home at 11, its really disruptive Last night was particularly bad - he was expected home at 11, then when he didn't turn up, I texted him and he just said that he would be back late, he was okay etc, but would not say where he was (I think that he was worried that I would drive round to find him and drag him home). I spent the whole night really unsettled, until I head him coming in at 4.25am. He has never stayed out this late before. I do appreciate that when the lads are gaming, the hours pass quickly, but this is crazy!
I need to re-establish the ground rules, but I don't know where to start. I get the feeling that his friends have much more of a free rein.
we have talked before about courtesy and respect, the disruption to our nights sleep etc. It didn't help that when he did come home, he felt the need to come into my bedroom and wake me up to say sorry - although I was appreciative that he knew he had overstepped the mark (by almost 5 1/2 hours!)
how does anyone else manage? Yes, this is his 'holiday time', but we have to work. Its a long time until college starts in early September. Haven't been able to find him a job - although he is not even slightly bothered...

OP posts:
nakedscientist · 17/07/2019 10:14

You are not the only one.

Its an iterative process. You have probably several years ahead of shouting, explaining, cajoling, crying, bribing and reasoning.

You have MN. Good luck!

stucknoue · 17/07/2019 10:18

It's hard, really hard but you need to have ground rules that he buys into too. I suggest that at 16 you don't need to be waiting up, but he needs to tell you where he is and when he will be home. My girls aren't under any curfew but must tell me address and postcode of where they are (or name if a commercial venue)

Original poster
37SAx · 17/07/2019 10:29

thank you both - really appreciate your replies.
I'm feeling too old for this!
I agree - I need to get him to buy in to a new set of rules, but he just pushes and pushes, and seems to have all of the control. the only bargaining tool that we have is the small amount of pocket money that we give him.
I feel that we are just willing away the years whilst we wait for him to grow up, take some responsibility and learn to be more considerate.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 17/07/2019 10:34

As long as he comes in quietly is it really that big a deal?

Original poster
37SAx · 17/07/2019 10:38

my worry is that I had no idea where he was, what I was doing etc. He has been in trouble previously (with groups of lads, misbehaving). depending on where he's been, he could have had to walk back through either a dodgy area, or a poorly lit rural area.
but yes, maybe I just need to accept this and let it go?

OP posts:
Toni2five · 17/07/2019 17:32

My son turned 16 in June, he comes in around 10:30pm during the week I'm a little more relaxed at the weekend but he never comes in past midnight, he has just started an apprenticeship and passed his moped test and bought one now he's earning money, he goes on about wanting to stay out later, what he doesn't realise is I've not actually said what time he has to be in now he is working etc, 10:30pm is just the routine he has gotten into! But I wouldn't stand for 4:25am, that's late!! Teens are hard work! x

TabbyStar · 17/07/2019 18:38

We are starting to get this, I wake at 6am, sometimes 5am, so when DD's not back till 1am that's not a lot of sleep for me. It's difficult to go to sleep when they're not in, and I invariably get woken up when she gets back anyway, sometimes before. She still seems so young to me, it's difficult to trust everything's going to be okay. Thing is though you wouldn't expect another adult to be returning at 4am when you have work the next day, it's perfectly reasonable to agree an earlier time - or he just stays somewhere else with parents who are heavier sleepers! I was just saying a couple of weeks ago it's like having a toddler again sleep-wise! Mine's just finished GCSEs too.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/07/2019 18:39

To be fair come September it won't be so frequent.

Original poster
37SAx · 17/07/2019 21:17

Thanks all. I’m realising that the 4am thing last night was a one off, and as you can imagine, he has been really grumpy today.
I’m just finding it so very hard to establish boundaries, now that the pressure of school is off and all he has to get up for is Xbox and hanging out with mates. (I have tried and tried - and will keep on trying, to bring other stuff into his unstructured day).
I don’t want to wish the summer away!
Really appreciate your replies. Thanks again

OP posts:
Paramicha · 17/07/2019 21:29

I found I needed to be so firm at this age.
Treat the place like a hotel so you pay for all the services you get.
Washing, cooking, electricity etc.
hey soon toed the line, and got jobs when I stopped subbing them Grin
it's the holidays, tell him to be more respectful, stop any money ou give him until he behaves.

RB68 · 17/07/2019 21:33

Just lock the door and mean it

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