favourites?

6 replies

michele61 · 29/07/2007 13:40

If you have a teen and a younger child, or even a difficult child and an "easy" child, do you have a hard time not feeling that you like one child more than the other? My teen accuses me of liking her brother more and the truth is, for the moment he is easier to like. Favourites is such a taboo, it feels so wrong, but if I am honest with myself, she is probably right. I talk about like instead of love, though the two are tied up, it is a given that we love them equally. I think.

OP posts:

themoon66 · 29/07/2007 18:34

It is a difficult subject, but I'm sure it's normal to prefer one of the other sometimes. Like I was ready to wash my hands of DD when she went off to live with the skanky boyfriend who was 12 years too old for her. DS was much the easier one at that time.

auntyflorence · 30/07/2007 09:19

Why shouldn't you like one child more than the other? They are not identikit dolls!

However, it is not necessary to brutally confront her with this but, next time she accuses you of favouritism, turn the tables and ask her if she likes her parents equally. She might realise that 'like' is composed of many parts: everyone has bits they like or dislike about everyone else. No-one is perfect. This is part of the growing-up process: learning that the world is not black & white, but many shades of grey.

themoon66 · 30/07/2007 09:27

Very true AuntieFlorence. And excellent idea to get the teenager to say which parent she prefers.

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 09:29

my difficult child rules the roost,sigh and we all fit in!

Freckle · 30/07/2007 09:34

I like all of my children the most at different times. DS2 can be the most loving, charismatic and amazing child at times, whilst at others he is the demon child from hell. I like him the most being the first, but I like my other children more when he's being the second.

DS1 is entering moody teendom and, whilst still very loving (and likeable) at times, at others is grumpy, scowly and generally a pain in the proverbial. I like my other children more at that time.

DS3 is a very happy and bubbly chappy, but he's been watching his brothers too much and imitating their less likeable traits, so I like the others more at that time.

It's quite natural and I think that, when they all complain that you prefer the other(s), you've got the balance just about right .

Boysarenteasy · 31/07/2007 09:23

My two boys are so different. DS1 is polite, conversational, eloquent and pretty-much a conformer (aged 19). He has never been a challenge. DS2 (aged 17) is a rebel who has rejected education and parental wisdom(?!), who smokes cannabis, and whose "challenging" behaviour has caused years of shouting and tears.
I have spent those years trying to convince him that we value him as much as DS1. He tells us that DS1 is like us so we must love him more, and that he's just the loser. My heart really bleeds (NO sarcasm here) for the way he suffers, and I have told him endlessly that his talents may be different from DS1's but are just as valuable.
Anyway, to get back to the point, I really DON'T have a favourite. I really can put my hand on my heart and say that I love them the same. DS2 may often be very dislikeable, but (forgive the drama) if presented with a Sophie's Choice moment, I couldn't choose.

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