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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What helped your teenager / older child with disabling social anxiety

14 replies

LimitIsUp · 08/07/2019 12:42

I have posted in a couple of different places because I really need the advice and want to try to ensure I get as many response as possible

If your older child / teenager has social anxiety (acute shyness with knobs on - it actually inhibits my daughter from living a full life and stops her from making friends) what has helped them overcome it in your experience?

OP posts:

mcmen71 · 08/07/2019 12:44

Hi what age is your dd. Is there any clubs she could join.
They usually find great long term friends at clubs.
Drama is a great activity to help shyness.

mardenrt14 · 08/07/2019 12:48

CBT. A good one makes their patient face their fears.

Original poster

LimitIsUp · 08/07/2019 12:56

She is 17 in a couple of weeks Mcmen71

Is there an accreditation process for practitioners of CBT? Would want to access a good one

OP posts:

mardenrt14 · 08/07/2019 13:21

Yes they are accredited through the British Psychological Society. It costs a lot more but it is worth it imo. You can go down the Camhs route but it takes time and many DC not deemed eligible.

Fleetheart · 08/07/2019 22:23

My DD is like this. She won’t even get a bus as she feels too awkward. She can get away with it at school but I can’t imagine how she will cope in a job interview. And she feels the same, but is not keen to get any therapy or similar...

Original poster

LimitIsUp · 09/07/2019 09:37

My dd wouldn't take the bus to school either Fleetheart, I would have to drive her (10 miles each way). I suppose there has been progress in sixth form college as she will take the bus there

It's so limiting!

OP posts:

3dogs2cats · 11/07/2019 21:04

Finding something that they really want to do. My friends dd had to be taken and collected from 6th form, but flew on her own when no one could take her to her interview, and now is at Uni in Europe.
We insisted ours come and say hello to guests and came with us to visit family and friends. They need the practice.

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 11/07/2019 21:34

Have been there and feel your pain. Dd was the same to the extent it really limited , and still does in many ways, her activities.it was manageable at school, she had a few close friends and would go for the occasional coffee or meal, wouldn’t go to parties or to her prom etc. She didn’t get in to her first choice uni, mainly as it had an interview and that didn’t go well as she was so stressed beforehand she was crying and asking me to take her home. She had a gap year to retry and did manage to get in second time, I think having had one interview, the second was less of an ordeal.
In her gap year she did very little , went out very little and things generally got worse. At the beginning of the summer she didn’t think she would be able to go to uni at all. We then went to counselling, we went privately and it was insanely expensive. For us I would say it wasn’t helpful. I had to go in with her as she wouldn’t go in on her own. After four sessions the therapist basically said she couldn’t help and dd needed to go to the gp and get medication first. To be fair, dd wasn’t helpful in the sessions, she struggled to speak to the woman but I still felt it was a bit of a cop out. Especially as she was fully aware that getting dd to go to the dr was not going to be a possibility.
In the end dd did go to uni, with a lot of tears and stress but she went. It honestly has been the best thing. She even said at one point that who knew we just had to abandon her in a strange city to make her feel better.
It’s not been a magic bullet but she is much improved, even going to have another go at driving ( she passed first time at 17 but stopped after a few months as she was worried about crashing and being unable to park.)
She is currently doing some work experience and finding it boring rather than stressful, compared to some work experience in the gap year when we had tears and extreme stress both before and every morning.
Sorry bit long but I think the only thing that works is being forced out of the comfort zone and having to do things, then realising it actually wasn’t that bad.

Original poster

LimitIsUp · 12/07/2019 13:08

Thanks for sharing your fd'a experience nearlyoldenough, and so glad to hear that your dd has come a long way since then

OP posts:

loveandlaughs · 12/07/2019 13:49

My DD is a similar age, she joined a teen drama group (she wanted to, but was terrified) at 15, and it's really making a difference. She's still quiet and gets very anxious at times but increasingly able to 'act' confident even when she's not feeling it. It's a small neighbourhood drama group so supportive group of teens rather than a big group with lots of singing/dancing and big shows.

Sparklingbrook · 12/07/2019 13:52

Social anxiety and low self esteem was helped hugely when they got private counselling.
It was expensive but worth it.

Girliefriendlikescake · 12/07/2019 14:22

I had this as a teenager to the point that I was basically housebound at one point.

What helped me was reading loads of self help books, I read Louise Hays books about learning to love yourself and a book called Feel the fear and do it anyway. They helped me notice negative thought patterns.

I also gave up college and got a really boring job in a shop for a year. This was so important as I think I needed boredom!!

From there I just felt better and better and even traveled on my own to America to do the Camp America thing! Anxiety still pops it's head up every now and then but I know now how to manage it.

Geraniumpink · 13/07/2019 19:59

This was possibly me as a teen. For me it developed into panic attacks and a phobia of eating in public. There was not much help back then though and it was all pretty tortuous. However, things that helped - I read a lot of books about confidence and the few that there were about panic- it helped to know I wasn’t alone. Lavender oil. Eventually finding and paying myself for an NLP trained counsellor - just to have someone reassure me that I was an acceptable human. Also finding out about highly sensitive people - which may or may not be an actual thing - it helped at the time.
I had to leave home to go to university - I wasn’t given a choice - but an extra year at home doing a simple job with kindly people like the above poster would have helped a lot. Some children take a little longer to grow into themselves.

ELR · 18/07/2019 11:04

This is my daughter to a T!! It's so difficult I just don't feel prepared for this and worried I won't be able to help her. She has recently decided that she is not going to 6th form and needs to do online school. I'm not sure how to respond to this. I initially said no as there will be no interaction and we can't afford it but then she tells me I am not listening to her ect. Joining a club ect is not an option as there is no way she would do that.
It's something I've never experienced of course I get nervous and really really don't want to do certain things but in the end I just bite the bullet and do it. It's nice to know we aren't alone but feel for all of you in the same boat.

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