Household Chores!

[csos777]

Hi I’m sure this has been asked many times before but I just wondered if anyone had any effective strategies to “encourage” their teenagers to help out around the house a bit more? Pocket money is not proving to be effective anymore and neither is grounding as they spend a lot of time on the house anyway (adding to the mess 😂). I am at the point of banning/limiting WiFi access and this will cause a huge argument - I have no problem with this as I am likely to explode if I find one more dirty dish under the sofa - but I was just wondering what had worked for others in a similar situation? I’m not expecting them to do anything massive - just little things like filling/emptying the dishwasher, taking recycling out, picking up their own mess!! They are 13 and 15 and it’s just the 3 of us as their dad died when they were small. Thank you

I am in the middle of trying to turn this round with DS16. He seems to have got worse recently. After GCSE exams, where mistakenly I let him off doing even the very minimum, I think he thinks this is going to be extended indefinitely. I should have kept it "business as usual".

At the moment I am planning to turn off his wifi for 24 hours every time he doesn't do a chore I've asked him to. Today I have asked him to :-

1. Change his sheets.
2. Do a very small amount of washing up.
3. Empty the bins.

So far (its 5.30 p.m. on a Sunday) and nothing has been done.

I'll be turning the wifi off at 9 p.m. and doing the chores myself then.

I'm thinking ... if I don't get results shortly, I'll be upping this to 48 hours. Longer?! Am feeling pretty pissed off.

Its work in progress but I am planning on getting there.

I know all the "books" say don't sweat the small stuff. But the alternative seems to be letting him do zilch.

If you live in this house, you are expected to do jobs.
If you don't do jobs, you don't get nice things (yes that's money, access to WiFi and gadgets, TV, days out ...)

Seems to work.
To be fair we've had this "rule" in place pretty much their whole lives, so I imagine trying to impose it at a later stage would be harder.

Re things like the dirty dishes- call them out every single time.

Non-negotiable in this house too. Everyone (including me) has a list which rotates fortnightly. Things like feeding pets, unloading dishwasher, emptying bins. If they don't get done then they are grounded/lose WiFi access/allowance etc. It's one of the few things that I'm really strict about. It has been this way since very small and they're now 13, 15, 17 and 19.

Red and Really some good ideas. One of my mistakes was the nagging and consequences being too shortlived. e.g. 24 hours taking your wifi off.

Now, I've decided, albeit little late in the day consequences last until improvement in behaviour! which could be a week onwards until there is change. Since yesterday's mega-tantrum DS16 has no access to wifi, money, etc. and it will stay that way until improvement - at least a week could be a year. No chores done, no wi-fis or money. If he back tracks again, its back to consequences for another week or more.

How can you all effectively remove WiFi as a punishment? Don’t your kids have data? Mine have reasonable (I think) packages of 6gb and can eke it out for weeks with the free WiFi all over town, bt hotspots etc. I don’t fancy wrestling their phones/iPads/Xbox off them either...?

PAYG phones and they will burn through their credit pretty quickly without wifi.
Plus, you've confiscated their phone anyway, surely? And if they refuse to give it up, then presumably you will be cancelling their phone contract with immediate effect, and they will be responsible for paying for it on the future? Of course if you are a wealthy family and your DC have more money then they know what to do with this still won't work but for your average teen ...

In all honesty, if you're at the stage where your teenager refuses to hand over their phone/ipad/games console then you've got bigger problems than whether they do their chores!

Mine will only do what they are “rota-ed” to do but they do that without too many arguments. Emptying dishwasher in turn, doing own washing and ironing, changing own sheets as deemed personally necessary. Occasional emptying of bins or mowing of lawn. I think if you can shift the responsibility to them it really helps — eg I don’t have any involvement in how often they do their washing or change their sheets. Mine are 18, 17, 15. NB I have plenty of grumbles about other issues so definitely not perfect here...

I think you have to change your mindset perhaps. I very rarely do the dishwasher for example. I regard it as the dc’s job. There is a bit of moaning about it but not too much. Might be worth sitting down with them and having a discussion about fair distribution of tasks. (DH and I do all the cooking so DC doing dishwashers is totally reasonable IMO.)

Well you are about to go into the holidays, I'd write a daily job list and switch off WiFi till jobs are completed 😁 my kids are older now, but they always had to help at home and now are great at cleaning & looking after things. It's worth doing.

Toomuch999 - I am with you. We have turned off WiFi indefinitely and no longer put any money on the phone. Many Apps are free though and she has found a hotpot at the top of our stairs.

Likewise, we wouldn’t fight her for the iPhone (she would us).

I have 3 teens and and they are all responsible for their own laundry and washing their bedding. They also rotate around emptying the dishwasher and taking the bins out. They also clean their own rooms, including hoovering, dusting etc. I have trained them from an early age so they have no problem doing these chores