Self Ear Piercing

[Moshmoshi]

14 year old DD pierced her friend’s ear at a birthday sleepover at our house. They were camping so we didn’t know it had happened till the morning. I told dad it was a stupid thing to do and it could cause infections but I didn’t get really angry because it was already done. I don’t know why she did it as we had already talked about this exact scenario and how stupid it was.

The girl’s mum has called me really annoyed, understandably I guess. It has made me think maybe I should punish DD in some way. I have made her apologise to the mum. She gets that it was stupid and could lead to infection but still is very blasé about it. I’m finding it difficult to know how cross to be. I’m generally fairly strict and if they had been drinking or smoking or keeping the neighbours awake I would have been really angry and have taken phone away etc. However this to me doesn’t seem as serious, am I under-reacting?

If it had been the other way round I would have made DD take the earnings out, told her she had been stupid and let the other parent know but not in an annoyed way. This other girl is in very big trouble.

Unless your DD held her friend down and forced her the friend really needs to take responsibility. I had my ears pierced by another girl at Summer camp aged 13, she offered, I agreed. My mum wasn't thrilled when I got home but the ears never got infected so it was ok. I'm pretty strict but I wouldn't punish her, a conversation about why it may not be a good idea to do it again would suffice. I would hope the other mum contacting you was "FYI" rather than blame. You made her apologise to the mum which satisfies social convention even though it's pretty pointless as it's not her ears 😁 so I'd leave it.

I wouldn't make too much of a big deal of it, you have given a lecture, she realised her mistake and you are making her apologise.

At that age teens do stupid things like that, and in the grand scheme of things it isn't that awful, they probably didn't mean any harm (not rebelling etc), they just didn't think through the consequences.

Maybe show her examples of serious sepsis etc to get her too understand.

Thanks snows and hellyeah that is pretty much my feelings about it, was hoping I hadn't been too slack about it all. I'll get her to google sepsis to see for herself what could happen.

Hopefully it will all blow over and the other mum won't refuse to let them socialise!

Knowing my DD this is just the beginning of stupid decisions but thinking she knows best.

Oh god, this takes me back. My friends and I we're TERRIBLE for this and pierced each other's belly buttons and all sorts. One friend ended up with a hideous infection and it out us all right off.

I dont think your DD is any more to blame than her friend - i understand that it happened at your home so you feel some responsibility- but IMO i wouldnt allow this to blow out of proportion. That being said what i would be most upset about is if you had already had the conv and your DD did it anyway.

I pierced my earlobes as a teen in my room on my own - and they are still fine 15 years later. When I told my mum she made sure it was clean and shook her head if memory serves but she didn't give me a lecture or loose her sh*t.
IMO it was two teenage girls - doing what teenage girls do - maybe the friend's mum wouldn't let her get them done. I would say to ask if they want piercings done in future and to remind them of how they could go wrong i think having DD apologise was wise - and maybe reassure friend's mum so she doesn't stop her DD coming to visit you.