Friendship issues

[threekidshelp]

Dd is 13. She's generally lovely, bit sulky at times but not doing well at school, has friends etc.
She's been a bit daft. She's in the middle of two friends who don't like each other. Stupidly, she told fried b what friend a said about her. Friend a is very cross. Dd wants her to stop saying stuff about friend b.
I have told dd kindly but firmly that she must stop passing stiff on and that it helps no one to do so. Friend a has bombarded her with texts about how upset and cross she is and how she can't trust dd.

I have told dd that friend is being unreasonable to send lots of texts and to keep being mean about someone dd likes but not to unreasonable want dd to stop passing things on.

Dd distraught and has asked to be collected from sleepover.

Have I done right thing in saying I love dd, she's a lovely girl but that she has done the wrong thing in passing on stuff?

No you've done the right thing. My DD is 14 and last year, she and another girl, cut out a third girl who was by all accounts devastated.

DD said the girl they cut off was "complicated and tricky"

Then months later, DD regretted it....said she'd allowed the other girl to lead her in the cutting out of her friend.

She asked me what to do and I suggested she say sorry to the girl she'd been mean to. And if the girl ignored her, well at least DD had apologised.

Turned out well and they're mates again.

Tell DD to say sorry.

It's part of them growing....learning about relationships.

I’ve hardly slept worrying over my actions! So my son is 13, can be a pickle as in a bit cheeky gets in to a few detentions at school for not focusing or not producing enough work. Partly down to him for being a chatter box and partly down to his friendship group some of them do silly things and he thinks he needs to do that to be friends and have them like him. Last night two of them knocked the door at 9:30 asked if he can go out I said no its late, why tho they asked I said it’s 9:30 it will be getting dark soon. Why can’t he come out one said I replied he’s not. And not with you anyway and shut the door. Next thing I hear them say out the window, you fucking gay, @@@@ is gay. My lad heard this and it upset him. He said why would my friends say that. Well after a crap week at work I said I’ll speak with a mum, who is usually pretty reasonable. Wouldn’t have any of it. Said her lad wouldn't say or do such a thing. Basically she said I’d made it up - yet she didn’t know where he was at 9:40pm and he’s only just turned 13. We had a heated disagreement and I walked off with her shouting that I was a bad as her son for coming round to say he’s been name calling. It’s not the first time they’ve done that to him so I thought enough is enough. They use him when they have no one else or want him to buy them stuff they knock. At school they take the Micky out of him or say stuff that the other kids will pick up on.
I’ve tried telling him before they are not friends that’s not how friends treat each other but he thinks they are better than no one. Now I feel like I’ve made a situation for him at school on Monday, they will be mean to him. Fortunately I work in his school so I will hear about any of it. And I have first hand experience of what they are like to other kids, they terrorise on girl because she comes from a difficult background and is a bit quirky. My son is a sensitive soul and has a lot going on at the moment his relationship with his dad has broken down. So he refuses to go and spend time with him, he witnessed dad at my house a few weeks ago effing and jeffing at me at the front door because I’m in a new relationship well almost 4 years in to it and we are expecting! Dad has said stuff like I’ll send you to the army to learn discipline. My lad said I’m not going in the army I don’t want to get shot and dad has replied with, it would make my life easier if you did. Tells him all the time he’s a let a down and won’t succeed. So I thought my trying to protect and stick up for him I was doing the right thing but after a long tossing and turning night I feel I have made something 1000 times worse! I should have said rise above it which I normally do. Why the hell didn’t I say that last night! Raghhhhh