I am a single mum, I have a 17-year-old daughter who will turn 18 in a few weeks. For the last few years, she has been withdrawn and displaying signs of anxiety, depression and self-harming. I have tried taking her to the GP for help. I managed to get her an initial consultation with a mental health adviser, but she didn’t follow through with the sessions. Last year she got drunk and collapsed in the park. A passerby called the ambulance and got her to the hospital. She is regularly defiant and does not listen to me or show me any respect. Does nothing around the house, just uses it as a hotel and the rest of the time sits in her room. Pressured me to get her a cat which she said she doesn’t want any more after a few months. I have found signs of substance abuse and found alcohol hidden in her room. We are a Muslim family and don’t drink. She posts false stories about being abused by me on the internet on a regular basis. On these very same posts, she asks for advice on leaving home.
For the last two years, she has been in a relationship with a boy who I believe is exploiting her for sex and money. I recently discovered that she got pregnant and had an abortion and all her money has been transferred to him. I have tried talking to her about this but got nowhere.
A few days ago, she got me arrested, regarding an allegation of a threat to kill her. This is a malicious allegation she made after I discovered a substantial amount of gold jewellery was missing from our home. I accused her of taking it by text messages, as she was out during the time of discovery. She never came home that day.
I am currently out on bail, pending further investigation. I work as a nursery practitioner and had to notify my employer. As a result, I am on unpaid leave whilst the investigation is conducted. Today I learnt that I might actually lose my job and not be able to work in any job that requires an enhanced DBS. I love my job and enjoy working with children. I have been in the industry for over 15 years. This is a devastating blow to my career.
The social worker is unsympathetic and not much older than my daughter it seems. She ignores my calls and is not listening to me regarding her mental health issues. To me, it appears as if she believes my daughter's version of things and is taking her side. I feel like she is judging me and criticising my parenting. e.g why do I look through her things? Well, how else would I find out what she’s up to? What kind of mother does that make me if I notice suspicious behaviour and don’t try to find out why?
I am hitting rock bottom, I’m heartbroken, feel like a failure as a parent, Everything I had going for me has been destroyed. All this because my daughter wanted free housing and be able to do what she wants. I have said I will help her get a place, but she needs to get a job first and start saving. I always tell her that I love her and just want her to be safe and want to see her happy. She has made numerous allegations before, but they were unsubstantiated. I have explained to her that her false allegations can ruin my life. This time she made sure they take notice. I don’t know why she hates me so much. When I asked her, she said my very existence is her problem and accused me of a lot of things that are untrue, I can only put this down to delusion. Please advise, I am losing the will to live.