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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS has been offered a mentor for Yr11 - advice please!

22 replies

UnderPompeii · 03/07/2019 19:43

DS has come home from school today and told me he and a few other students were asked to have a chat with a teacher. They have been offered a mentor for Yr 11 as they have the potential to achieve 9s in some subjects.
DS is a bright boy who gets all his school work done without any nagging, achieves decent grades etc. But... he is definitely coasting. Putting in just enough effort to do OK. With a bit of commitment he could certainly have a chance of doing really well.
The cynical part of me thinks its only for the school's data, he's doing well enough, leave him be. But another part of me thinks if he would just believe in himself a bit more and apply himself...
Don't know what to advise really, WWYD?

OP posts:
woodlands01 · 03/07/2019 20:02

Take the mentor - why not?

CherryPavlova · 03/07/2019 20:07

You’d settle for well enough? I’d consider that a huge disservice for a bright child, personally.
Is taking a mentor even your decision?

Original poster
UnderPompeii · 03/07/2019 20:08

I didn't say it was my decision, I'm trying to help him reach the right decision.
(God why is everyone so confrontational on MN these days)

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/07/2019 20:12

I would take the mentor. Have a DS that needed pushing.

BananaSpanner · 03/07/2019 20:14

I don’t understand what the negatives would be. What’s to weigh up?

Original poster
UnderPompeii · 03/07/2019 20:14

I think also part of him doesn't believe he's clever enough. So maybe the (right) mentor could help with that.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnderPompeii · 03/07/2019 20:15

Its a lot of pressure Banana

OP posts:
Letthemysterybe · 03/07/2019 20:18

Having a mentor isn’t about adding extra pressure. It is about giving extra support.

EskewedBeef · 03/07/2019 20:18

You'd really dig your heels in and say no because you don't want the school to also benefit from this scheme?! This could really help your son to get brilliant grades at no cost or effort to you.

LynetteScavo · 03/07/2019 20:20

I would advise him to accept the mentor...why would let you?

Original poster
UnderPompeii · 03/07/2019 20:20

Again, I haven't said I'm digging my heels in about anything! Trying to get people's opinions. Jeez, this isn't AIBUHmmConfused
Think I'll pop off now, strange old world on here sometimes.

OP posts:
Whynotnowbaby · 03/07/2019 20:21

I’m actually surprised that the mentor is phrased as an offer rather than ds being introduced to a mentor and told they will be working with him. Yes the school needs to focus on getting every child to reach their potential, the mentor support will be for those who are coasting and not yet looking like they will reach target grades, but as others have said, doing better at this point will have a much bigger positive and enduring impact on your ds than it will for the school. I would bite their hand off!

BananaSpanner · 03/07/2019 20:22

If he’s coasting maybe a bit of pressure could do him good. Being able to work under pressure is a good skill. It’s an ongoing process and you will keep an eye on him so if you think it’s having a negative impact on him you can put a stop to it.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 03/07/2019 20:26

Why would you not want your son to be the best he could be? Surely that's all the mentor is about, helping your ds achieve his maximum.

My ds is bright and was predicted lots of 9's. Yes, he had a lot of pressure on him and it has been tough for him but he was supported by the school and us and he has made it through unscathed. Results to come....

Schools will do all they can to maximize their pupils grades but in doing so, they provide a lot of support and nurturing these days Kids under too much pressure and without support don't perform well.

woodlands01 · 03/07/2019 21:39

Hope I didn't come across as confrontational - didn't mean too. If your son is bright and doing well you really are one of the lucky ones. If your school is offering help via a mentor then fabulous - take it, it won't be extra pressure, it will be extra support. I say this as a teacher and a mum of a Y11 who has had a series of issues at school through the last 2 years. School have been good but could not offer careers advice or academic mentoring (I expect) due to lack of money/resources. We've dealt with it as best we can. Your school is doing a great job, encourage your son to take the support, if it doesn't work then you can politely explain it's not working - there will be someone else they can offer it to.

Teachermaths · 03/07/2019 21:45

OP you are a little touchy about this. Is it the first time your child has been offered extra support with anything?

Personally I don't see any reason to turn down the mentoring. It's another person to help your ds through a tricky year and hopefully have a positive relationship with.

Where do you think the pressure is coming from?

(if your ds is anything like you, he'll need to work on his resilience a little. I don't think anyone has been rude enough to warrant a flounce)

RefreshifyMe · 03/07/2019 23:26

Is he prone to stress and anxiety? If so, I'd explore further. If not I'd be tempted to give it a go. Though most year 12 and 13s are fairly inside their own heads so I wouldn't hold your breath.

Heyha · 03/07/2019 23:34

I'd say there's no harm in trying it, if he finds it takes up his time without helping I'm sure there'd be some flex.

Back in the day here our teaching staff had time to mentor and one year I was allocated one of our seriously high-flying girls. Not for any tangible reason but we thought she was at risk of getting stressed by feeling under pressure to live up to her billing. We mainly used to just chat about things in general, she did have a few wobbles during the year which I think I helped her with in some small way. I don't think for one minute I had any influence on her performance but I think she benefitted from having another set of eyes and ears on things that were bothering her.

Heyha · 03/07/2019 23:37

I should add I had taught her for two years previously so we had a decent working relationship rather than starting from scratch, that may be a factor in how well a mentoring scheme goes!

BackforGood · 05/07/2019 18:48

Another who can't see why it would be offered as a choice rather than a fait accompli.
But also confused about why, given a choice, you would not take it.

As others have said, it is someone to chat to. It doesn't 'add pressure'.
Not really sure wyhy you have flounced tbh Confused

Iwasatglastothisyear · 06/07/2019 00:48

I would be tempted to say that if he puts in the work, he won't need the extra support from the mentor and just leave the ball in his court. They're under so much pressure and stress that if he feels compelled to do well in this one particular subject then he may fall behind with others. If he knows that you want him to achieve the best he can and that you think he can do it without the mentor, that may be all he needs.
Does he want the help?

WholelottaPaint · 06/07/2019 09:03

I think he should give it a go - if the mentor is supportive and your ds finds it useful then it's all good. If it turns out to be someone who isn't good at supporting and mentoring and instead just piles on pressure (HOY was awful for doing this at our school - but it became a bit of a joke!) then you can hopefully just say to the school that it isn't working for him and walk away.

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