Help please

[theunrivalledjoysofparenting]

DD has just told me that her boyfriend sneaked back in to spend the night at our house at the weekend (I was away for the weekend).

How would you handle this? It wasn't for sex, it was to talk. DD has been depressed recently - friendship issues, school, putting too much pressure on herself. She's 15. We've had nothing like this from her before, no lying, no deceit (that we know of). We have a good relationship. (I thought.)

Her bf's parents found out and they have banned him from seeing dd.... dd is distraught.

Help!

How did you not know?

She told you and she told you for a reason. It looks like she wants you to sort it out for her. I would suggest lesson learned in not respecting the rules.

Sorry ignore the first part, missed that you were away!

I have asked dh how did he not know, believe me!

Apparently her bf 'left' when dh expected him to leave then dd sneaked down and let him in later, after dh was asleep. No idea what he was doing outside in between those times.

She thinks by telling you she will get you 'onside' because you will be so proud of her honesty. What she is really aiming for is that you speak to the other mum to ensure she can see her boyfriend. Don't fall for it. They broke some rules and are facing the consequences. Her honesty now doesn't change a thing.

Anyone else??

There's not much you can do about the boyfriend, but I would talk to her about her emotional issues because she must be struggling.

I had a bit of experience of something a wee bit similar a few weeks ago
The punishment I gave my dd was I grounded her for a week and restricted her phone time which is still in place.
My problem was I didn't know where my dd was staying I went to collect her and she was in completely different house.
I really don't see a big deal with what happened there was an adult In the house they where just talking he probably really helped your dd that night.
Does the boy still want to be with your dd
It is up to him to persuade his parents if he really wants to be with her no parents will be able to stop them. His parents are been too strict. All 15 year olds like hanging out at each others houses chatting, games music Netflix.

I really don't see a big deal with what happened

Really? She is 15 and sneaking her boyfriend in overnight - that's a massive deal surely?

She is really struggling. All the friendship groups in her year have changed round this year and her ex best friends are being horrible to dd. She has other friends and I thought she was coping, but apparently not. She's also finding the pressure of Year 10 too much, and has been self harming. We need to have a big talk.

Shuld I get the school involved with friend issues, or not??

Yes, dd and her bf are very close. They are good together and have a mutually supportive, mature relationship. They've both had a lot on recently, though.