Language these days (and how to help your DCs navigate it when it stings)

[MoshiMoshiSushi]

At the risk of sounding ancient, language these days is so loaded. I remember when Madonna's Like A Virgin was a bit out there and now most pop songs openly discuss drug use and refer to whores and bitches. It seems as if this trend has sneaked into the teen vocabulary and my year 7 daughter was talking about how casually girls in her year at school will regularly describe others as sluts and whores. She isn't one to do this and is finding herself the target of these slurs. How would you suggest helping her deal with it? My eldest daughter doesn't seem to have had it quite so bad in her year and they now seem to have moved on from the days of putting each other down. My Y7 daughter is so gentle it breaks my heart to see her so sad and hating school; it seems insufficient to tell her the girls will grow out of it eventually.

Its a bit sad isn't it, OP?

When I was at secondary school (girls school) a few decades ago, we just didn't use that kind of language. Ever. I don't know what has happened in the meantime.

My sense is that these are not "times" for gentle people. But we still have to find a way to protect them especially when they're young. It is difficult though when they are exposed to it so much at school. I think you can just keep reassuring your daughter that its not something that she should be imitating and just to try and keep away from that kind of behaviour? I can't believe that every girl is swearing like a fishwife. However, I think the most important thing is to assure her positively that she is doing the right thing by keeping her own 'standards' of behaviour - she doesn't have to follow the crowd or be involved with them - and if the crowd are being idiots she can try and avoid them if she can. You are keeping a nice, warm, safe place at home, and that is worth lots, by the way.

@Bitgold Thank you. I feel the same. I hope it’s enough to keep her happy and balanced.

"No, you are!" is a standard retort to namecalling.
"Why are you talking about yourself?"
"Oh F&ck Off!"

I dunno, I can't guide you, I never mastered it, but there are literally books & podcasts & youtube videos that teach how to deflect & throw back unkind (or downright insulting language).

DS used to practice what to say a lot at home (thinks out loud, anyway).

Helps if they have a gang of friends to rally round them & fire verbal volleys back.

Not all teens are talking like this. What are her friends like? There are kids like this at DD school but now in year 10 she has built up a strong group of friends who don't like this and she just hangs around with them.

Could this be an option for your DD

Thank you @lljkk and @Spirgeon She is finding out who her reliable friends are as a result of this. She has a very wide group of friends and is perceived as very popular. You are right in that not all of them are like this but it doesn't stop the disappointment for her when a friend falls in with the crowd who likes to speak unkindly of others. Summer is just around the corner and hopefully by year 8, the year group will have settled down a little and she will feel more comfortable amongst them all. Your replies are much appreciated.