Self harming.

[Burlea]

Just found out our DGD who is 12 has been self harming. She has about 8 cuts on her arms. She has been using scissors and a compass. She says it's because she gets told off a lot. She doesn't any more than her brother and sister.
My DD is understandable upset but doesn't know how to deal with this. Should she see a doctor.
Any advice will be gratefully received.

In my experience, (I have a 10yr old self harming daughter who is autistic) people rarely self harm because they get told off, a normal amount, by their parents.

There will almost definitely be something else going on. Harming at this age is usually about deflecting pain, whether that be physical, emotional, mental.

Someone needs to dig deeper.

Also, suggest safer ways to harm, if she really has that need to transfer pain. Scissors and a compass can be dirty, and cause infections.

• A hairband on her wrist that she snaps.
• Slap a hard surface
• Headbutt a soft surface (my daughter headbutts walls, floors and doors, so we use a cushion)
• Squeeze ice in her hands, really hard
• Draw on arms with ink (although it won't give the pain sensation if that what she needs)
• Tear up paper
• Stress balls to squeeze
• Kick/throw a ball
• Listen to loud music

My DD did this age 12 and has a couple of times since
From our research it’s more about not being able to express themselves than being “told off” or similar . It was a reaction to bullying in my DD’s case
You can’t stop them from doing it ( although DD is 14 bad hadn’t done it in almost a year as far as I know) so you need to put strategies in place. Few ideas
Snap an elastic band on her wrist to cause pain instead
Use something clean to cut and always put antiseptic on afterwards if they must do it
There’s an app they can use if they feel they want to self harm which kind of tries to talk them out of it.
Don’t judge or get cross
You could see the GP but they won’t be able to do much, teen mental health provision is terrible here and even if they get referred it takes 6 months plus and might not be any use when you do get an appointment. Some areas offer a telephone consultation. Private counselling is expensive and again may or may not be helpful
The good news is that most children who self harm don’t escalate beyond that
Good luck, I know it’s absolutely heartbreaking aNd you want to give them a good shake but it’s completely beyond your control and you can’t stop it so you have to help them prevent themselves from doing it