Background: I'm a 37yr divorced (10yrs) mum of 2 daughters aged 12 & 14. My 14yr old (15 this sept) has always struggled socially and still has no friends. She had special needs assistance all through primary school but now "functions independently " in secondary school - she was assessed for any spectrum disorders but recieved no formal diagnosis - she has been assigned a social worker and recieved weekly counselling past 2yrs since my cardiac arrest. She has always lied and stolen but yesturday I found lots of stolen goods under her bed (mainly cosmetics, accessories etc..) she finally admitted to stealing cash over along time from my purse aprox €700 total. This was last straw for me and I told her to pack a back and drove her to her dads yesterday saying she can live with him now.....he hasn't been involved in their lives since I left him 10yrs ago but only lives 20mins up the road!! He used to see them the odd weekend but never rings, I have to chase him to see them. My youngest doesn't want to see him anymore but my eldest had started to get on with him a bit better.
My problem is, I honestly don't want her to come home. I cannot cope with the stress she constantly puts me under, it's relentless. I've told him either 1) she moves in with him full time and I arrange transfer of schools etc... Or, 2) I will finish getting her through school but he has to have her every weekend and school holiday. He's over 3yrs behind in maintanence, doesn't pay a penny to date, is unemployed/retired & personally I feel he needs to step up and take charge for once. I contacted her social worker and left a message asking for help today, I'm awaiting a call back.... I feel wretched for dumping her with him but I had always threatened it when her behaviour kept repeating, this time I followed through -maybe that's what she wanted... Has anyone gone through similar?? Have I made a massive mistake here? Any input appreciated🙁