Where do I go for help with my teenager

[MrsBlondie]

Ive had enough. 13 year old boy is pushing me and my husband to feelings of distress and quite frankly had enough. He obviously has something up but wont tell us just hates us.
Do I visit GP - take him (thatll be fun getting him there).
School said no issues and offered no help.

Is there another adult he has a good relationship with, a teacher or an uncle etc, ask them to help. Otherwise the GP

What’s happening at home to make him behave like this do you think?
Does he have friends and hobbies?
Is he physically aggressive? What triggers his temper?

He really doesn’t hate you, he just hasn’t learned how to process his feelings.

Gp would be my first point of call. If you can’t take him there, you could also go by yourself, and discuss the situation.

Are there any local or national associationsyou could turn to for help?

association 1

nhs advice, include associations that can help

What is he doing beyond normal teenage problems? What have you tried already to keeps the lines of communication open?

It doesn’t need to be anything sinister, it may be just teenage hormones kicking in. If you have had a really bad PMS you would understand.

You have done the right thing, you talked to school, you are considering external help you have not felt like killing him yet

I am taking a parenting course focused on teenage... it has been a total eye opener. From the hormones to the fragile balance of boundaries, were you have to allow enough freedom and rules for them to grow up to be independent but not too much sothey feel asfíxiales or too little so they feel you don’t care enough and start playing up.

Teens!

Hi,
Sorry no advice to offerbut watching with interest! Just to say I feel your pain. There was a letter from your teenager posted somewhere on here that was good I’ll see if I can find it ...

gretchenschmelzer.com/blog-1/2016/7/4/parents-corner-the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you

Is it normal Im not sure. Age 13. Very agressive. Angry. Shouting at us. Hates us. Swearing. Wants to be left alone.
Told me tiday "why am I so annoying" when all Ive done is make him breakfast and tell him Im taking him for hair cut.
We have taken the console away for a bit. Of course this adds to his hatred of us. However this adds to his anger.
He has no hobbies
We've tried to get him to do things but he refuses. He is as big and strong as me so its hard to "make" him do things.
Does this sound normal.
My only good point is he iz fine at school. However he doesn't put in enough effort. And we struggle to get him to do homework

I took the Xbox away for 6 weeks... after 2 weeks I had a completely different son, who could actually sit and join a conversation and enjoy his dinner with us. Even the tone and speed of his communication changed. Having said I took it away because I grounded him for something even he agreed was a stupid decision, I don’t know how he would have reacted if I had done it because he was out of control.

The Xbox is the hobby, and his social life if he plays always with his friends.

Does his behaviour towards you get any consequences? If not, consider that. If he knows he is in charge and you wouldn’t do anything faints him that would limit his choices, he may be just testing how far he can go.

Now, for not wanting to do ing with you, that’s normal, at that age I used to invite a friend of his on days out as that way we all would have a good time rather than an impatient teen asking a what time we were going home through out the day.

I think I need a new phone, the scale of useless autocorrect it does is staggering 🤔

I think, at least to begin with, you treat it like a toddler tantrum and ignore/send to his room with assurances that you're ready to help as soon as he's calm enough to talk about it properly.

It might be that there's something wrong but teenage hormones alone do make life very difficult (for them as well as for you).

The fact that he's only doing it at home is very much like a toddler who only tantrums for those he's completely secure with too.

Ignore the bad behaviour/ remove him (or you) from the situation and love bomb whenever possible.

Also, Ive found all the way through my boy's upbringing that they way to deal with them challenging boundaries is to back off but give them more responsibility.

So, in the situation you describe today, I'd decide it was time he was responsible for his own breakfast (at least at weekends) and could take responsibilty for having a haircut (or not) himself.

My eldest has been going to the barbers every six weeks or so on his way home from school since yr7, my youngest has one haircut a year in the summer hols

TBF if you'd got a long lazy Sunday in mind after a week of people telling you you're not doing enough schoolwork, even when teachers say you're OK, being told what and when to eat and that you're being "taken" for a haircut you may not want is annoying, especially right at the age where you're trying to become your own person