Should I insist that she takes part?

[feemcgee]

What do I do if my DD, who is 13, suddenly wants to stop going to certain things without me losing my temper and pushing her away? She's just got into the Duke of Edinburgh scheme at school, but now wants to drop out because she says that her friends have. She's also refusing to go to the school awards ceremony, even though she's been awarded a merit, as she says that loads of people got them and it was really boring last year. We get on really well and I don't want that to stop. Should I insist that she takes part in both?

Compromise is the way with my 13 year old. School award ceremony is a must, Duke of Edinburgh is optional extra and if she doesn't want to do it, fine.

That's just my opinion.

I don’t think you should. You can try and talk to her and see if there’s another group she can go into as lots of people seem to drop out in the early days. If there’s really no other friends what group will she go into, some random group who she does t know that well? She may hate it and then blame you.
Teenagers (I find) it’s all about talking and then respecting if she really doesn’t want to do something.

Thanks very much for the suggestions, it's great to be able to sense check with other mums x

I wouldn't advise you force her to do the DOfE if she doesn't want to, it's pretty tough and she'll really resent you for forcing her. Also there are probably some kids who are on a waiting list who's love the chance.

Why don't you compromise, say if she attends the awards ceremony then you'll
Let her off the hook with DofE?

One of the hardest transitions as a parent is the switch from teaching your kids what to do by telling them what to to to teaching them what to do by letting them make choices and experience consequences, knowing those consequences may be negative rather than positive.

I suggest you start having discussions with her about why she wants to give stuff up, listening to her, letting her know how you feel but letting her make decisions about the marginal stuff.

I' with Fresh, DoE she can give up if she wants, it really isn't for everyone, but attending the school awards is a courtesy to the school and she ought to go. She may want to bunk off that as a sign of rebellion/dissing the school.

With the award ceremony, I'd encourage her to go and maybe you could then say you'll go out for cake (insert treat to your DD's liking) to say well done for doing so well.

For the DofE the whole point is her organising herself, so if she doesn't want to do it, there's not a lot of point. It'll take at least 6 months to finish and it's just not possible to force her to do it for that length of time.

You’re being a pushy parent.

I don’t think you are being a pushy parent at all. Given the choice I expect most teenagers would be happy watching Love Island and just being on their phones all day . Is that really what we want for our young people? My DS chose to give up Scouts (as a Leader In Scouting I admit to being personally a bit disappointed) but I supported him in his sporting activities. I also encouraged him to do NCs which he moaned a bit about but had a really good time when he threw himself into it. I think some teens do need a bit of encouragement at that age and not just to ‘follow the crowd’ all the time.

My dc have to do activities if they have committed to them. So if they start football they have to do it until,the end of the season because it's a team sport. Not so gymnastics as it's not letting anyone else down if they want to drop it.

With DofE, if you have already paid or bought the kit, I'd push her into seeing it through.