College tutor support for niece

[RaymondReddington]

I'm supporting my niece at the moment who confided in me last month that she is struggling with her mental health (anxiety, low self esteem, catastrophising).

This has affected her attendance at college (year 1 of 2) as she's been in a bad way getting to college and walking through the city. She's lied about her absences blaming them on physical reasons instead eg. water infection, migraine etc. She's at 74% attendance in 6 months.

We've discussed it, talked about how she can help her own mental health. She felt a lot better just saying out loud that she was struggling and that a weight had been lifted but I encouraged her to see her GP (3 week wait for an appointment), sign posted her to websites and text snippets of things I found to help her.

I haven't pushed for her to tell my DSIS (her DM) or BIL because she doesn't want to yet. She has her reasons and I respect them (as well as agree that it isn't the right time to). I am confident she's taken it seriously and that she'll eventually get the help she needs.

Earlier this week she's been called in for a meeting with her tutor about her absence. She told them she wanted me there instead of her mum which the tutor initially agreed to. But the conversation went on (to arrange the meeting) and the tutor managed to get DN to open up. Another great step in the right direction - they've offered support via the college etc and tutor wants daily meetings with her to keep an eye. Tutor still agreed to meet DN and me this week to discuss attendance and a way forward.

Today, tutor has backtracked and said no need to have a meeting now as DN has opened up. It will be monitored but if there is further absence, her DM will be contacted and told of MH issues. When DN expressed that she disagreed with this approach of telling her mum, tutor replied she'd want to know as a mum herself if her daughter was struggling and that it was now a safe guarding issue.

Without leading the witness on my views, what are people's opinions on the tutors approach? And where do we go from here?

Bump

Poor love. It sounds like a lot is going on.

Is DN under 18?

If schools (or other settings) have safeguarding concerns for an under 18 or vulnerable adult they can contact a parent but medical confidentiality rules mean over 16 the threshold is pretty high. The most important thing is that she engages with them, but if they think she is at risk of hurting herself for instance they will call her next of kin

Yes she is under 18 (17)

There are no safeguarding issues in my opinion. She isn't self harming and there is no link to how she's being treated at home, she is a worrier (like many of us in the family) but she's not dealt with it because she didn't know how to.

My advice has been to engage with the tutor, no more absence etc but I wanted something else to be said regarding the alleged "safeguarding" issue.

Personally, I don't think it is right that a tutor can give out personal information without consent when the child is 17. A doctor can't do that can they?

Have spoke to DN this morning and she's annoyed by it all

She said she gets where the tutor and myself are coming from (that it’s not unreasonable to be asked to come to college and not miss more time) but that she told tutor purely because she had the confidence in her that she won’t tell anyone and now she doesn't trust her.

She's saying there’s days where it gets hard and she doesn't want to go in. But now feels like she will force herself to go in or worse, she won't go and then her DM will find out.

She is however having a think about telling my DSIS and BIL herself.

She says she just wants to get on with it on her own and feels she has the support from other people like myself and her boyfriend so is reluctant but hopefully she will come to the right decision