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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Normal behaviour?

3 replies

Dibdab101 · 30/05/2019 16:08

This is my first post - it's a long one! I’m at my wits end with my 15 yerar old Son. Where do I start?! He lives with me and my Husband full time and see’s his dad sometimes. He has an older sister and two step brothers. He hasn’t the easiest of childhoods when he was younger and has a difficult relationship with his father who has mental health problems. The divorce was very messy and nasty (not from my part) his father remarried very quickly and had another child which he doesn’t see (as the mother won’t allow it) as they are now divorced, so my son also has a half brother who he sees occasionally. Just this is a lot to deal with at such a young age. I had a very stable upbringing and my parents have been married for 50+ years so I can’t begin to imagine how he must feel about all of this. What I’m struggling with is his attitude and what I’d like to know if this is normal teen behaviour. My daughter (18) was and still is really well behaved and I don’t like to compare them as they are individuals. He is rude, snappy, won’t do as he’s told, lies to me, speaks to me in an appalling manner, won’t wash or shower without being promoted because he smells. He’s packing for a trip today and I’ve asked him to pack a towel and he says he doesn’t need one as he’s not going to wash! He has anger issues and has broken a TV, thrown his Xbox controllers across his room and in the end he sold his Xbox as it was causing so many problems. He was saving for a Nintendo switch but 2 weeks ago because I wouldn’t extend his screen time he smashed the screen on MacBook so I made him use his savings to pay for the repair as he needs it for school/homework. He’s lazy at school and rarely does any homework. He recently had his mocks and did next to no revision (told me he had) He is so bright but I don’t think he’ll do well in his exams next year because he just can’t be bothered. I am fairly strict and limit the amount of time he spends on devices and he hates it. He doesn’t have a lot of friends. He’s told me he likes his own company. I’ve painted a really negative picture of him but he does also have another side which is funny and very loving. He has a great sense of humour which we share. I love him so much but he causes me so much heartache. Because I parent him on my own I try to strike a balance between being light and fun but when he’s like he is I’m on at him all the time and it’s exhausting. I’ve tried to talk to him about so many times and he tells me he gets it, he’s sorry and how much he loves me. The reason I’m asking is because my husband (his stepdad) has told me today how much he dislikes my son and the way he treats me. I’ve said I think it’s normal teen behaviour and my husband has told me it isn’t. Any advice?

OP posts:
mcmen71 · 30/05/2019 18:20

Hi there is another thread on holding onto the rope lots of advice on it .
Its seems normal enough his teen behagiour when you read the thread you will feel that you are not alone and some are alot worse.

redspider1 · 30/05/2019 18:23

He doesn’t have anger issues. He is behaving badly and you need to set boundaries and issue consequences. Stop over analysing. So long as you show him your love, be there when he needs you etc then you need to be his parent also and sometimes that means making unpopular decisions.

FlorenceKettle · 30/05/2019 18:58

I'd maybe look at what you can relax, rules wise and what you felt out must enforce.

You say several times that you restrict him on his devices. Do this too much and it'll just be a downward spiral as he'll feel he has nothing to lose so he'll behave worse and worse

Can you relax this particular rule? Tell him ' I'll let you discuss with me a sensible limit for your gaming. In return, you'll do your homework and then you can please yourself in how long you spend on your devices - providing it's not silly'

This puts the ball in his court. So unless he's going to say he wishes to be on his devices until 2am, you should be able to come to an agreement that gives him some control back which may help

So pick your battles wisely here. Matter of fact with some stuff. Run him a bath - tell him to get in. Yes he can run his own bath but try some low key support for a while and see how you get on

It's what I'd do anyway. I have a 20 year old and a 12 year old and don't have issues but I choose what is non negotiable (for me, bedrooms have to be very tidy) and I relax on other stuff (gaming fine as long as homework done)

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