Would appreciate some guidance on my daughter's therapist.
My daughter left her sixth form as she had a breakdown in January, the result of enduring repercussions of terrible bullying at a former school several years ago. We took her out of the school and moved her into another one but she hasn't recovered. She's is basically at home since January, listening to music, doing yoga and hopefully healing. She has never had a job, isn't interested in learning to drive or anything else that might make this time more meaningful. I feel I need to unconditionally support what she needs to heal.
The plan is she will return to the sixth form in September and I arranged for a psychiatrist to support her with weekly sessions since January. She's also on Prozac and I'm trying to give her nice experiences to lift her. I work full time and have three other teenagers and a husband so I'm very busy (overwhelmed) with life at the moment.
I've tried to do my best as a mother and I have a great relationship with my daughter normally, but since she's gone to the therapist my daughter has become increasingly critical of me. She now is telling me that since I didn't have her current therapist lined up when she was originally bullied, I failed her and this is why she's left school. I'd gone to BUPA< the GP, CAMHS and set up time with the new school counsellor, but as it didn't lead to her current therapist, I failed. She now thinks I have been her problem all along, not the bullying (or, to be honest, the decisions she has made for her own life - she didn't study and isn't happy with her GCSEs, etc.)
I think my daughter is realising that life is moving forward without her and is understandably looking for something to blame outside herself. As she knows I love her no matter what, I have become her punching bag and I think the therapist is pouring petrol on this.
What do I do? I want to support my daughter however she needs it and help her get well. I fear that my daughter's desire to escape blame means she is manipulating the therapist who is making it real. It's breaking my heart, and it's an injustice - I feel completely trapped and frightened that the focus on me as the cause of everything wrong prevents her from coming to terms with her real challenges. It is also hurting our relationship no matter what I try to do.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to help her, but I am paying £120 an hour for the therapist and having to cut back on groceries, etc., to fund it. Do I just offer unconditional love and deal with the injustice of it in the hope that we'll get there in the end?