Period problem single dad needs help with daughter!

[Harryy]

I'm a single dad to 3 children my oldest is 12 and a few months ago she started her period. It was a nightmare as he refuse to wear anything and was hiding her underwear. Managed to get a family members to take her shop for some bits and she wouldn't allow me in the shop with her.

She's started to not wear anything again and is hiding her underwear, refuse to take a shower or bath! She's got all she needs and a family member has spoken to her about it but she isn't bothered.

Anyone been through this? I'm just at a loss as it just caused tears and tantrums if I confront her

Can you try to normalise things a bit for her by buying some sanitary towels with the weekly shop and just popping them in the bathroom cupboard door her, just as you might if you stock up on shampoo or toothpaste? She's likely to use 1-2 packs a month. Buy a few packs in different sizes and see which get used.

It's odd behaviour to refuse to wear anything. Are you sure that's what's happening, as opposed to finding that her period is unpredictable or she gets leaks? Not wearing anything would affect more than just underwear so I think it's unlikely that that's what's happening. Does she know how to use the washing machine? That might help her to feel in control of things a bit more if she can put any stained clothing or bedding in the wash herself.

Try period pants- google them as they now have tween and teen ones. They absorb the period without needing tampons or towels. You can order them online.

Weird one to not want to wear anything. Did someone buy her tampons and no towels? Could be she doesn't like the feeling?

Google "pads for dads" they have some amazing resources and offer support and advice. Also consider that it might not be her period- she might be suffering from heavy discharge in which case pantyliners could be a good alternative. Try smaller pads too. Large ones are uncomfortable and take time to get used to. Dont worry you will sort it - just persevere and try lots of different options.

I have a friend who’s just 13yo dd has just started her periods. Girl was dreading them, the evidence of growing up, out of the familiar and into the unknown etc. She is also refusing to use anything (mum is children’s nurse and bit mortified) and just puts toilet paper in her pants. Not a massive problem atm as quite light. Friend hoping that as dd gets more familiar with it all she’ll be more confident using products.
Not sure it’s much help but wanted you to know it’s not just you and her. Give her time...?

Definitely try period pants. Take out the faffing.

make sure there is a bin in the bathroom as well - the disposing of stuff business can also cause issues. The period pants are pricey to be honest and they still have to be washed etc. I would go with the making stuff available, shopping as if normal, making sure closed bin available in bathrooms and decent storage out of sight etc. Then hunt her room when she is at school to clear any dirty washing - check wardrobes under bed etc and just put it through the wash with some vanish treatment. Oh and buy some dark coloured pants for her

No advice, but feel for you and for your daughter alike. Good luck.

Are you able to get someone to look after the younger two children and you arrange a day out with just the oldest? Don't make it a big deal "dad and daughter" day, just arrange to go somewhere low key but interesting to wander around and see what conversations start up over the day. DS and I have our best conversations when we've been ambling around together for a bit, chatting about this and that (what we like on TV and so on) and sometimes more important things (his worries and fears) start to emerge bit by bit. But it takes patience and almost never works if it's a "right, we need to talk about this now" scenario.

Being out at a wildlife park or something like that means you can chat side by side so she can talk to you without having to look at you (because you're looking at giraffes or something) - this might make her feel more comfortable. DS and I have good car conversations because I'm concentrating on the road (in the car was where we had the condom chat, for example).

The reason I suggest the day out is because it may take a long time for her to relax and trust you with something which is huge and frightening for her. She needs to know that she can talk to you and not have you dash off half way through because little brother has emptied the freezer all over the floor or something.