My dd is only 8 and I was going to post on the pre-teens board, but what I'd like to know from people with older girls / teens, is if the toxic friendships, drama, competition over friends and popularity, manipulation etc gets better as they get older? Do they mature out of all this?
Dd is continually falling out with a girl who was her "bff" as early as their first term in infants, so 4 years now. It was quite sweet at first, but really there has been nothing but stress and problems I'd say 60% of the time. The rest of the time they're either in the process of making up or are being bff's again, but I'm really losing my patience with the situation now it's been going on 4 years. Dd will not give her up, she's become part of her life for so long that she says she could never not be friends with her. I don't like how reliant she is on her friendship. The other girl can be quite crafty too, 3rd time it's happened now that as soon as my dd does start to get friendly with another girl in their class, her bff suddenly wants to be friends with that person and puts a stop to it. If I say dd can have a different friend round to play, the next week the bff does the same with that same person. It's just exhausting trying to help navigate this with dd and not getting through to her. She even heard the bff telling a girl who dd had got friendly with not to play with dd, she was begging her not to and saying dd had been horrible to her and she was scared she'd have nobody to play with at break and be all alone. Dd said she hadn't said or done anything but the bff then starts crying and telling a teacher my dd is being mean to her. It's just ridiculous really, every day there is a drama. On Friday the bff was in tears my dd had been invited to play at another girl's house, she got the girl to promise she'd invite her round next week. She keeps asking this girl to play with her just the two of them, and is gradually getting more and more friendly with her while excluding dd. My dd now says what's the point in making new friends as the bff will always just steal them. I think it's part jealous from the bff and part that she's v competitive, she has to be queen bee. This has been going on for 4 years now and I'm sick of it, I thought it would get better as they got older but it's got worse! Please tell me this does improve as they get older and mature out of it?!