First post (long time lurker) please be gentle!
I'm a lone parent of two lovely teens trying to find their path in life. SBEXH is other end of country and only interested in pointing out my parenting failings not much help etc. My eldest DD17 is genetically identical in her teenage boundary pushing as I was at the same age is asleep atm and I am wondering how on earth to deal with this weekend.
DD lying and not being truthful about going out/coming home and knowing she's nearly an adult I'm trying to cut her slack but it's affecting the household (her younger brother 14) and it's also unsafe and I'm totally hanging on by my fingernails generally.
DD was booked to babysit Friday eve (she's at college this is pocket money) and said she would go straight there rather than coming home (it's round corner from our house). She often texts when bored/kids in bed/update on Netflix/kids activities/eating/chat...lovely. So it turns out she cancelled babysitting saying she was ill, then went out into town clubbing in a car with a 24 year old and came home at 2.00am v drunk, had to be collected by someone's mother from club, went to 24 year olds house and nearly stayed, but they then drove her home 
.
I realised about 10pm as she said her phone had died and she'd see me later...but never leaves house without charger! As it's literally round corner I popped over with charger thinking I'm being helpful, and there was no answer at door. Continued merry dance trying to give another address and realised she must have cancelled so I asked. After an hour she said yes she'd lied, and I felt it was linked to her feeling she didn't want to say she was going clubbing with this 24 year old, and realised I needed to talk and find a way forward where she has freedom but can at least be truthful. I asked what time she'd be home and it cd have been v awkward with babysitting family etc. No reply, turns phone off.
Family friend son has seen on Snapchat which I don't understand she's in town so I know safe. Eventually returns v drunk at 2am and decide best thing is to just let her sleep it off. Next day I was heading out and I text to say 'let's talk about this from a place of calm and care, not anger', when she's back from a daytime babysitting job with friends. During day she sent several amazing texts so insightful saying she wants to be honest and how it's affecting the family....I know she's nearly an adult but also needs to make safe choices, and if she needs my help can always ask for it?
She came back for dinner and we talked about just being honest so that if she needs a lift etc, and that I at least know where she is an agree a time to come home. All good. Last night went out at 6.30 said only nipping out to catch up with old friend back at 8.30...I did say look it's fine to come later but let's agree it. She is also exhausted and is rubbish at going to college after no sleep. Cue same again and came home at 12.30am v drunk and angry refusing to talk.
I'm really struggling because I want her to be that independent strong minded young adult, but getting so drunk and coming home in random cars with people she doesn't know makes it all so scary.
For context I have a chronic health condition (which I'm trying hard to sort a path myself) and have to take medication in evenings so it's tricky with staying awake late, and my 6 year LTR ended a month ago and I'm picking up pieces of broken heart again...I have got amazing friends with teens and we are all going through it together I know, but I want to help her make safe choices. She will say amazing eloquent things in the cold light of day, but in the moment clearly thinks sod that I'm going to have fun, to hell with this.
Anyone....?