Son and OH relationship falling apart!

[EmmaW80]

Hi all (haven't been on here for years, sorry) just hoping for some advice really. My son is 12 but hormonally like a 13/14 year old! Him and his Dad are constantly butting heads and I am really worried that this is causing their relationship to deteriorate. I've suggested that they need to do some things together like go bowling just the 2 of them, have some fun etc but my OH is being a bit of a d**k! He keeps saying that DS doesn't treat him with respect and "until he sorts his attitude out I'll not be giving him money or lifts anywhere let's see how that works for him" It feels like I'm in between 2 kids and I find my self siding with the 12 year old because I can see that his Dad is being unreasonable at times. DS is like an emotional rollercoaster at the moment and the OH just doesn't seem to give him any leeway. As for the lack of respect that isn't the case OH just has 0 tolerance these days ! I'm worried that I have a 12 year old boy that doesn't want to spend time with his Dad and can't see it getting any better.
Thanks Xx

I am sure some lovely people will be along to offer support and advice.

If you get to the point where you need some external support, google intergenerational mediation or family mediation in your area. We have a free service called ‘time 2 talk’ in our are which helps children and their parents/carers to work on their relationships.

Thanks @Woulditbeworth I will definitely have a google. Much appreciated . Xx

My husband and son (15) are exactly the same, and have been for over a year now 🙁. It's so hard isn't it, I can't really offer much advice sorry, but I my husband did agree to 'back off' a bit after a couple of months of serous confrontation. After many talks with DH who was upset with our sons attitude and behavior etc, he's just learned to pick his battles. Things have calmed down a lot but sadly they hardly ever have a proper chat, the teenager just grunts occasionally and that's about the extent of their relationship.
I hope that as my son grows up he will realise how much his dad loves him, makes me sad everyday though as they used to do so much together. My son won't do anything with either of us at the moment though, we're far to embarrassing!

Sadly I can relate though with my DS it started later. I advised my DH to treat DS19 like a lodger + that's worked great! They say 'hi' if they pass each other in the house, but otherwise ignore each other pretty much.

I don't find it hard now, as the atmosphere is much improved. DS19 will come + ask if he wants advice or to talk but leave it to DS to approach us first. From wanting to throw him out v peace + quiet, we are all happier.

Good luck!

I have just been through this with dh, who started to get surprisingly sulky with me because he thought I was taking ds's side and he felt ds wasn't respecting him enough. I'd never seen dh be so pig-headed - pretty much saying ds had to change his attitude or he wouldn't be making any effort, I was a bit horrified tbh, I expect so much more from dh.
Soooo...we had a long chat, where I painted a picture of the future if he continued with his attitude and the impact it would have on ds. I told him for ds he only had one dad and that relationship would be hugely significant in his life and no matter how much he'd try to shake his uncomfortable relationship with his father he wouldn't be able to - he'd feel that his sister was loved and cherished and he was not and it would impact on his life and his self worth, we talked about how he would have felt had his father (who dh adored and is now dead) had given up on him - this chat went on for about 30 mins but by the end of it dh had seen things from a completely different perspective - the future, and how ds needed to feel love and acceptance from his father...he finally let go of his own ego and got it and since then dh has had a completely different attitude to ds and I am no longer worried about their relationship - dh is a good dad, he'd just lost his way a little. They spend time together on things that both enjoy - it can be just a moment or two - it doesn't matter, but dh does now get how important it is that he continues to build and maintain a positive relationship with ds, as he becomes a young man.

I think you need to get on the same page with your DH. I lean toward backing up DH because a lippy 12 year old will turn into a complete nightmare in a few years time if left unchecked. And hormones aren't an excuse for being disrespectful in my book.