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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My daughter has been gone 5 weeks

11 replies

Em4891 · 12/05/2019 17:53

I’m in absolute disbelief at the moment.
Nearly 5 weeks ago without a proper reason my dd decided to go an stay with her dad .

But, rewind to last May when the trouble started
My dd expressed she didn’t like staying at her dads home calling it dirty throughout.
Her dad found out and blames me for not telling him this led to my dd barely going to her dads and practically stopped.
Throughout the rest of last year up until present recently after I had a non molestation order granted due to his behaviour.
I’ve called the police over 20 times due to threats, violence, messages and calls from my ex in regards it is my fault , he’s grabbed my daughter , told her lies and to make matters worse both him and his partner had been sending my dd messages degrading me as her mum and several messages over the months putting her down to which she self harmed every time this happened.
Beginning of April she was admitted to hospital again through self harming only for me to find this seemed it was done to get the attention she wanted from her father and people around her .
She was messing around in the hospital messaging all her friends she wanted to kill her self when I feel deep down this was done for her to finally get her dad to be in her life again.
He told me I couldn’t cope with her and she would stay with him .
All I know is during a 4 day hospital stay my dd has changed.

Since leaving she hasn’t called once only messaged via social media . Messages when she wants something. Her dad bought her a better iPhone than the one she has here since she left due to me not letting her take hers from my house due to him breaking her other one.

She has now been saying that all I care about is her younger brothers 3 and 2 , I don’t care about her when all I’ve done is support her and live her endlessly especially whilst she has gone through nothing but trouble from her dad and partner.
She has accused her step dad of telling her to F off when he didn’t he was talking to me in another room obviously frustrated that my ex was on our doorstep yet again making demands.
My dd then told this to my ex too.
I have now had to get mash involved as I believe my daughter has been manipulated with things being said to her.

My boys are heartbroken and don’t know why their big sister hasn’t come home. My husband has always classed my dd as his own and wasn’t nothing he wouldn’t do for her.
As her mother I’m heartbroken I’ve been there for her through everything and now I’m thinking that going back to court maybe the only solution as I was given residence of my dd in 2012 with contact to her dad.

Please if anyone could offer advice I would be grateful

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 12/05/2019 18:32

Flowers How old is your dd?

Em4891 · 12/05/2019 18:43

12

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/05/2019 18:45

I would go back to court asap. I wouldn't have her living with him at all.

IncrediblySadToo · 12/05/2019 18:48

12?

I’d have been at the police station 4 weeks ago.

BarbarianMum · 12/05/2019 18:49

Yes at 12 Id go back to court. At the vefy least you need a shared care arrangement.

sanmiguel · 12/05/2019 19:03

12? Shock
I thought you were going to say 15/16. have you spoken to a solicitor? What kind of action have you taken? I'm sorry, but I would be doing absolutely everything within my power to get her back.

Em4891 · 12/05/2019 19:16

I was given a residence contact order through the court in 2012 she mainly stays with me then goes to her dads at the weekend .
Social services have been involved before too making reports etc .
This is also the 2nd non molestation order I’ve had against my ex

OP posts:
ferrier · 13/05/2019 17:05

Try to get copies of all the messages.
But yes. I'm afraid I think legal action is the only way

Em4891 · 13/05/2019 17:34

Thank you all . I’m thinking that too . X

OP posts:
Mayalready · 13/05/2019 17:37

In her fragile state of mind she is way too young to decide where she should be. Court ASAP.

SnowsInWater · 17/05/2019 14:06

I'm in Australia so obviously the same may not apply but here if you had a Court Order saying your 12yo lives with you and she had not returned from a weekend visit with her dad the police would go with you to collect her from his house. Talk to your local police to see if they can help?

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