Trouble with 15 year old step daughter...HELP!!!!

[higleyjennifer82]

So I have a 15 year step daughter who is totally being brainwashed by her mother. My husband and his daughter's mother used to have a good relationship but that when all downhill when she got a bug in her butt and filed for child support. She has lied countless times to mediators and lawyers. Hard part is that we can't prove it so we are lost.

When we have days/weekends with my step daughter, all she wants to do is hide in her bedroom and text her mom. When we don't do much on the weekends she is there, she will run home to her mom and say she was bored the whole time because we didn't do anything...but when we ask her what she would like to do, all we get it I DON'T KNOW OR I DON'T CARE. When we make suggestions. she turns them all down so then we are our of options.

She is also a complete slob! She will make messes and leave stuff all over the place and not clean up after herself. This is all because her mom doesn't make her do this stuff at home. It is insanely frustrating for me because I am the one that is ALWAYS cleaning up the messes and telling her to do or not do things!

Because of everything that her mom is putting us through and the crap that she does at our house, I have started to resent her...A LOT! My husband is extremely pissed at me at this point that our marriage is on the rocks! I don't want to lose him because we also have a 5 year old son together and they are both my whole world!

I have started to seek out a therapist for help because my stress and anxiety levels are to the max. I have even stopped eating because of all this. I am at a total loss with what I should do! HELP!!!!

Sometimes others opinions don't always match our own and are hard to hear.

The overall advice you have had is to give her some slack, and that she is pretty normal for a teenage girl.

Hopefully a counselling will give you a safe place to talk through your feelings, where you don't feel judged and can find a way to work through this if you want to come through this stage with your family intact.

Why wasn't he paying child support before?

If your behaviour on this site is anything to go by no wonder you don’t get on with your SD. You are acting like a child because people disagree with you.

Your SD should have her own private space not full of your sons toys - bet he has his own room;
Why wasn’t your DH paying maintenance anyway;
She is behaving like a teenager. Messy, couldn’t careless attitude. Sounds like she misses her friends whilst at dads.
Any 1:1 time with dad?

I agree with Beans. Put toys in storage if you have so so she has a room. And if she’s with you for a day or two then she should be spending time with her dad rather than doing chores.

Agree. She needs a room and some one to one time with her dad.

You say you were just asking for opinions but what you mean is opinions that agree with you.

1. He should have been paying child support without her having to seek it through legal or formal channels. Your langiage suggests you are not in the UK.

1. Your DSS should have her own private space. Notwithstanding the flood issues your son's stuff should be moved to another area, boxed up and rotated, kept in your room (not hers). This would make her feel more welcome and perhaps take pride in her surroundings. I say perhaps because messiness really is a teen thing. I say this as mum of a 26 year old (out the other side) and a 17 year old (still in it).

1. 15 is the age where they start to have their own social life. Is she missing out on seeing friends and going to things with them when she is at Dad's? Can these somehow be incorporated into his weekends or could she have a friend over to stay?

1. Finally it really sounds like you just don't like her . If I get this vibe from your posts I am pretty sure she can feel this in real life.

Finally, remember he is her Dad, your son is her brother you should be doing what you can to make her feel included rather than a burden.