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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My daughter hates her dad

3 replies

mugglewump · 10/05/2019 18:00

My dd, 15, has not had a good relationship with my dh for a couple of years, but now she has started saying she hates him. She is always rude to him, swears and shouts at him, or just ignores him. I am afraid he is not much better towards her. In fact, it is usually him over-reacting that starts the slanging matches. I find I am left in the middle trying to mediate between them , and I am having very little success. In fact I fear I am making things worse, because I tend to protect and defend my daughter, as the child in the relationship. She is diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, body dismorphia and depression and is on medication. With all this to deal with, I am lenient with her, but this is interpreted by my husband as being too soft with her and letting her get away with murder. I do try to talk to her about the relationship and the triggers which set each other off, but she only then starts shouting at me and my attempts become counter-productive. In addition, I have a chronic illness which makes me too tired to be on her case the whole time. How can I bring them back together?

OP posts:
Brashtweedyimpertinence · 10/05/2019 18:03

Go to CAMHS and request systemic therapy for the 3 of you - sounds like the conflict within the home is likely to be impacting on her mental health so they should be interested

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 11/05/2019 22:26

Oh, I feel for you, OP. My DD (14) also has an adversarial relationship with DH (her Dad) right now and it's related to discipline and him establishing certain expectations and boundaries - reasonable things like helping out at home and getting her schoolwork done. To her mid-teen mind, however, these expectations are ridiculous and unreasonable! Grin.

I think this age (14-16) is difficult as many teens think they're ready to take full control of their lives but of course, they can't really do that yet. They still have to listen to school, parents, etc. and they can't drive or do everything that they'd like to. In a few short years, they'll be adults, but to them, it seems like a lifetime!

I'd suggest talking with your DH about changing how he reacts to your DD. Cut out the swearing and speaking to her without raising his voice. If he's getting angry, he should walk away until he's calmer. Also ,you need to act as a team. If his expectations (e.g. doing her homework) are reasonable, you need to back him up.

Your DD's dealing with a lot right now, but swearing and shouting isn't helping. You and your DH need to be the adults and show her how to deal with things more calmly. Good luck, I know it's hard work. I often want to scream at my DD! Flowers

mugglewump · 12/05/2019 21:32

Thank you. This is basically what I am doing. Just good to share.

OP posts:
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