talk to me about teenage girls cutting themselves please

[CalendulaAndRoses]

I have two daughters (16 and 14) - the 16 yo was cutting hereself last year - I saw it and took her to GP and then on her advice to DBT counsellor. DD convinced both counsellor and myself it was an exploratory one off and she didn't need ongoing treatment. Have just seen her leg again and its cut up again. Asked her about it and she now says its to do with stress. I've asked her to decide whether she wants to go back to DBT counsellor, GP or another route but that we need to find someone for her to talk to as its not a healthy sustainable way to manage stress and she finds it hard to talk to me. Meanwhile younger DD who is already in therapy for about 3 months after a very rocky transition to secondary school and very dark thoughts/OCD and who I thought was doing ok now (and she is, in terms of school attendance etc at least) also now has cuts on her leg. WHen I asked her about them she said she was only trying it out having seen them on older sisters leg to see what it felt like. I've told her counsellor.

I think I'm gone into shock. Its been a long tough year. Ive been so worried about DD2 and her issues and had been happier to see her bit better and engaging with the therapy. Now this has happened and I feel I've been thrown back to a very dark place. I'm exhausted all of the time and today especially am very close to tears. Doesn't help that I am peri-menopausal and on my third period in a month right now.

I don't know what to do. I don't really understand - I know its something about translating mental/emotional pain into physical so its more manageable but no more than that really - and I am very worried. I feel I have failed them somehow. Full disclosure I suffered with eating disorders all through my teens and early twenties and I am horrified that they seem to be entering into same twilight zone of teenage pain and angst and that I seem to be powerless to help them.

There is another thread might help you on teenagers affecting your mh so helpful information and it shows your not alone

thanks momen71 - will try to find that

You could show her this, www.giveusashout.org it's a text service for those in crisis and need someone to talk to. It was on the BBC news this morning.

I have an 18 year old ds who self harmed from aged 13 and ultimately took an overdose just after his 14th birthday. Was on antidepressants for 9 months, still sees his psychotherapist weekly, 4.5yrs later! He is now better and studying hard for his A levels.

DD15 is also cutting She won't talk to me, engage with any professionals or councillors at school. These last 2 days she has been off school and seems to me to be thoroughly depressed and is not talking. I am on constant alert and it is totally exhausting.

I, too, feel like I have failed them. I have no idea what drives/drove them to do it. I wish I knew but they don't want to talk to me. The guilt is relentless.

So, I hear you. I long to know what it is like to be the parent of an adolescent who doesn't cut.

The thread about mental health is amazing and very supportive, but it doesn't have much to do with the serious issue of self harm. I personally feel that needs a whole thread to itself.

thanks Pasanda and TommyandGina.

Am not in the Uk but that service looks like it would be useful for anyone who is, thanks for sharing it.

I'm glad your DS is doing so much better Pasanda - that must have been an absolutely hellish few years. Sorry your DD is now going through it though.

It just feels relentless. The anxiety about them, the racking my brains how to interact with them on it, where to go for help, and the guilt. Non stop guilt.

They were both out yesterday afternoon and I spent most of it in tears, worrying and wondering about what I've done wrong and how it can be made better