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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS Withdrawn, Poor Sleep, Not Working at school - Wilderness Therapy?

9 replies

splodge2001 · 09/05/2019 12:09

DS is 17 and in the lower sixth of a co-ed sixth form. He was previously at an all boys school. He didn't work hard for his GCSEs. He got good results but not stellar. He admits he has a problem with applying himself. But he also has a problem with getting overwhelmingly stressed. We've had plenty of emails and chats with the school about him not doing his work, being distracted and distracting other people. On paper he looks like a kid who doesn't care but he suffers from stress and anxiety. He doesn't sleep well, has IBS and "zones" out a lot at school. He is concerned about this zoning out. He realises that "equally bored people are producing more work". He doesn't go out that much, preferring to play computer games, though he does seem to communicate with people on snap chat. There are no drugs issues. We live in a 2 bed flat - we would know.

He's been saying recently that he's not going to university, having previously been aiming at a Russell Group. It's not a +tive decision. He just says he can't see himself applying himself. He's not saying he'd prefer something else, he's saying he can't cope. In fact most of what he says is about avoiding life's challenges. He says he can't think about the future and he doesn't feel optimistic about it. His preferred thing is to escape. He plays fantasy games and reads Manga.

We want to know how to help him. I can see him just grinding to a halt. He's on course for C/Ds at A-Level and worry about him not really doing anything. He doesn't want to leave home and he had a job in a pub which fizzled out. He doesn't seem to be motivated by anything.

We were wondering about sending him on Wilderness Therapy. He's done a bit of talking therapy with a life coach and he's good at chat. We just think that he needs more experiences and needs to build confidence and resilience. I was wondering if anyone had any experience of this kind of therapy? Or any other ideas?

OP posts:
MephistophelesApprentice · 09/05/2019 12:11

Your son ticks a lot of boxes for depression, and your response is send him to the wilderness?

Jeez. I can't really see that helping. Has his mental health been professionally assessed?

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 12:14

I would suggest a doctor’s appointment before anything else.

splodge2001 · 09/05/2019 12:48

It's Wilderness therapy - it is for depression and anxiety. The idea is that focussing on achievable challenges raises self esteem. We are concerned that the offering through the GP will be wanting and painfully slow. We are also nervous to medicalise him too early. The therapy and mental health route is one much trodden in this family. It's become clear to me that whilst talk therapy is of value. There is much to be said for talking + doing.

OP posts:
FreeFreesia · 09/05/2019 13:41

There is loads of research showing that being outdoors & doing helps. Retreating into manga & fantasy needs to be balanced. Easier said than done I know. Am assuming you live in a city? Can you persuade him to walk /run in a park regularly as a start?

splodge2001 · 09/05/2019 14:02

I think he needs physical activity. The wilderness therapy looks interesting. I just can't find much in the way of evidence or reviews

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 14:03

Please take him to the doctor first.

splodge2001 · 09/05/2019 19:36

Thanks FreeFreesia

I was wondering if anyone knew of an Ed Psych in Central London? His problems are quite heavily tilted towards work and I have my suspicions that he has some issues in that department.

OP posts:
MysteryM · 10/05/2019 00:49

Difficult one, OP. Just a few points.

Does your son show enthusiasm for anything outside the home? Like when his face lights up and he has some energy/enthusiasm?

Has he ever expressed interest in doing a job (nothing to do with academia). Would a vocational course at college interest him?

I'd limit his time on computer games. I know some people would say he's too old, but I think until they are 18 and independent in some way, its OK for parents to do this. I have always controlled my son's use of games.

Work - he tried a bar job and it fizzled out. At least he did get a job! When I was his age, I had a few jobs that "fizzled out" - it can be a bit of a teen thing for some, a slight lack of confidence perhaps, nothing more. The main cure for this is time and slowly getting more practice perhaps, no huge rush if he's underconfident, but equally not just letting him sit in his room.

He's being honest about not wanting to go to Russell group university and since he's hardly studying isn't that a good decision? I think you would have to be quite "stellar" to get in, apply yourself, and get something out of it.

IBS - which can be really horrible. I have a vague memory prozac can be very good for this. It worked for me once - just took it for 6 months in my 20s and I was cured (never had it since).

The sleep problems - seeing his GP?

I can't see the wilderness thing doing all that much good. BUT maybe a break like that would help from the difficulties of studying A levels. p.s. Zoning out, sleep problems, being distracted and distracting others might be signs of low-level ADHD (possibly not enough for a diagnosis though).

I know its difficult to deal with a teen with low mood and passive approach to life. I think you also have to be patient, keep him encouraged without over-expectations e.g. of university (let him decide).

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