DD 17 secret eating and weight

[TeenDD]

Any advice greatly welcome. My DD17 has steadily put on weight for the last two year. She has healthy food at home and we no longer have "treats" in the house (as we are trying to reduce her access to crap food while not drawing attention to her weight). I was at home yesterday and was looking for something (in her mess of a room) and saw 3 empty easter egg boxes under her bed. I opened her bedside drawer and found large chocolate bars and empty wrappers and family size crisp packets. She is 5ft 3 and is now a size 14 (as she had to get a dress for a wedding lately). I don't want to make her feel crap about herself. Myself and my husband are overweight. Her brother and sister are not. Any suggestions on how to tackle this would be gratefully accepted.

Following this as I have the same problem with one of mine - 18 - I'm torn between thinking she's an adult, it's up to her what she eats, and wanting to say/do something before it all gets worse. also, they can't be very happy if they're comfort eating and I'd like to know why and try to help. It's very difficult.

She seems happy but only has a small number of friends. She does well in school. She is engaged with the family (she plays cards with us, she watches tv with us sometimes).

BigSandyBalls2015 I feel the same way.

Size 14 isn't massive so don't panic. But secret eating isn't great. Have you restricted treats so much that she doesn't get any now and therefore is sneaking them? Has changing the diet made a difference on yours and OH weight? You need to lead by example. So show her how eating healthily is better. But don't nag or go on. I have quite an unhealthy relationship with food and my OH says some of it is because my mum limited my treats and didn't teach me to make healthy choices. There may be an element of that. Is she active after school? Because she might eat through boredom. Can she do more? Good luck.

Some on here will say to never talk to your daughter about her weight, but that is absolutely ridiculous. If you approach her gently and focus on her health, not her appearance, you might be able to start a dialogue. You're overweight so can relate to the issues she's dealing with. It is true that the best way to help her is to lead by example so perhaps she would be interested in joining you in a healthier lifestyle. You could start exercising together, cooking meals and doing the food shopping. Pretending there isn't a problem with her secret eating and weight will not help her.

No wonder she’s eating in secret if you are trying to restrict her access she’s nearly a adult she will know shes out weight on

I secret ate because my family never gave puddings or treats. They were trying to be healthy, but it made the food really desirable. Could her hormones be making her crave sugary foods?

This was exactly me as a teenager. My parents stopped buying treats to keep in the kitchen, badgered me constantly to make healthy choices when choosing my own food and only gave me salads etc to eat (but yet my brothers would get fish and chips at the same time). They made me feel awful and so self conscious! It only spurred the secret eating on more because everything was so restricted in the house I rebelled against it. My family would make comments about my weight all the time and instead of making me want to become a healthier person, it made me even worse and I continued to gain weight throughout my teen years. Even now as an adult, my DM will make comments about what I eat or what I look like and I'm suddenly transported back to being 13 again.

My advice would be buy small treats that you carefully monitor the consumption of (without your daughter knowing) and don't make a huge deal out of food or the issue in general. In my house, food became a battle ground and it caused me to develop unhealthy eating habits that I took into adulthood.

Agree with beansonbread!

I don't restrict her food chipsandpeas. There is plenty of food at home. She gets 3 meals a day at home which she has an input into. I don't think you need to have junk food on tap. We have biscuits but lots of fruit etc. I am a size 14. Menopause has made losing weight slow. I want advice on how to approach this. I know she knows. I don't want to make her anxious about her weight.

I'm another who used to eat in secret as a teen because my parents never had any treats / snacks in the house.

I definitely think there must be an emotional element to her so try to talk about how she's feeling without bringing up the hidden goodies. Lots of us over eat when upset. Good luck, I hope it goes well.

I am not making any issue about food at the moment. I don't comment on what she puts on her plate or has for lunch. I don't compare her to her brother and her sister (this used to happen when I was younger so I don't do that to the kids).

Eat treats as a family is what works for my family and me (we are all a healthy weight), we all share chocolate/crisps/whatever at the weekend and it’s nice, and then over. The children rarely seek more than they’re given and the treat foods are associated with fun times and being sociable. Perhaps having something little to look forward to will work her stop eating on secret.

Thanks Chocolateandcarbs. That is a good suggestion.

rededucator I ask her regularly if she is good, any problems etc. She always answers that she is fine (but she obviously is not).

We have biscuits at home. We have crisps and sweets too but not all the time.

I hate that she can't buy the same clothes as her sister or her friends. I know how that feels and it is crap.