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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Exam-stressed dd devastated about haircut

20 replies

avenueq · 06/05/2019 23:12

It's shorter than she wanted it and while everyone still thinks it looks great she hates it. It has completely pushed her over the edge, she's been crying on and off all weekend. She knows it's irrational but can't help herself. I don't know how to help her or what to say anymore. Any ideas? She's doing A levels and is predicted to do really well but it's all getting too much for her.
Her sister is doing Gcses and their brother has special needs and I feel rather overwhelmed

OP posts:

clary · 06/05/2019 23:23

oh op I feel your pain. I have A levels and GCSEs here too. I did not think this through 17 years ago.

Sounds as if it's just the stress bubbling over. Is there something she loves to do that you could facilitate? eg my DD likes to go to Starbucks for a frappuchino. Might calm her down (not Starbucks necessarily - might be watching a tv show, buying new shoes, going out to do some activity).

Original poster

avenueq · 06/05/2019 23:28

My excuse is that I'm not from the UK so wasn't aware of how awful the exam system is

OP posts:

clary · 06/05/2019 23:31

haha yes I can't say that, I knew it, I just closed my mind to it 😀

LoafofSellotape · 06/05/2019 23:34

We're going through something similar,totally stressed and the slightest thing sets him off poor thing. I'm going for the lots of love, nice food and encouraging regular breaks and time out approach. Not a lot else you can do really .

Original poster

avenueq · 07/05/2019 08:06

It's horrific isn't it? I've never known anything like it, having grown up in a different system

OP posts:

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 07/05/2019 08:24

Poor girl - can she take a (small) break to do something stressfree she enjoys?
I feel for you - different system here, but DD has bio, MFL2, music and literature still to come. We had to have her eyes examined yesterday - result 'eye problems because of stress'.
They are made to feel that their whole future life depends on this examn.

CherryPavlova · 07/05/2019 08:37

It’s a hard time in households with multiple children doing exams. It’s stressful for all concerned.
A good family routine might help. Allow some self indulgent stress time - crying and feet stamping can be quite cathartic- but don’t allow it to excess.
Good family eating habits.
Family exercise such as walks to change focus, give talk time and release stress. We did tennis too which dissipated much of the energy being put into stressing.
Planned time out for friends. Cinema trips or activities rather than sitting winding each other up.
Planning positively for post exams helped too. Arrangements for the lovely long summer. Shopping for university etc. All gave a sense of belief it would be OK.

Wooterus · 07/05/2019 08:48

You poor things.

You may have already done this, but I remember when I was absolutely freaking out over my A levels, my mum sat me down with a box of tissues and told me very gently that it didn't matter in the slightest whether I did well or not, that my family would always love me, that I would always have options that didn't depend on exam results, and that as long as I'd done my best then that was all anyone could ask of me. It sounds simple but it really helped to have a counterpoint to most of the other adults in my life (teachers) who were banging on about university all the time.

Wishing you all the best of luck xxx

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 07/05/2019 09:05

@Wooterus
Exactly - DD has ADHS and Dyscalculia and is ambitious.
She works incredibly hard. Noone can say she's not giving her best.
So we made sure she knows that we've got her back whatever happens and whatever she wants to do.
(If she gets more than 1 point in her maths examn I'll dance on my office desk - or at least feel the need to - and there probably will be drinks).

Original poster

avenueq · 07/05/2019 09:20

We have talked about it re exams etc, but thank you

Any tips regarding the hair?

OP posts:

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 07/05/2019 09:25

Let her use the hair situation as a pressure valve. She knows she can't do anything until it grows and others are saying it looks fine, so fixating on it instead of worrying about the exams is actually an escape.

CherryPavlova · 07/05/2019 09:58

Yes, the hair is just a pressure valve. Let it be. Let her weep and wail and then calm down realising she has dealt with it herself and survived OK.

mcmen71 · 07/05/2019 10:06

Take her to the hair dresser and have it styled once a week to it grows because you can never do it as good at home as they do in salon.
Get extensions if its really bothering her.

LoafofSellotape · 07/05/2019 10:20

I wouldn't focus on the hair at all,it's just a way of her venting her stress. Poor love.

FenellaMaxwell · 07/05/2019 10:22

As others have said, it’s an outlet for stress. Take her to choose some nice new hair products and maybe some hair mask and things that she can use to unwind a bit, and maybe make sure she’s taking enough revision breaks? Small treats make a big difference when you’re this stressed.

Original poster

avenueq · 07/05/2019 13:52

Hate it when they are upset and I can't make it better!

OP posts:

mbosnz · 07/05/2019 15:01

avenueq, you have my sympathies, I'm not from the UK either, and had no idea how thoroughly awful the exam thing is here. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

Mine is doing GCSE's (mocks) this year. We only just got here last September. In three years time I'll have one doing A levels and one doing GCSE's. There's not enough wine in the world. . .

I took her to the doctor for tiredness and anxiety issues, and the doctor was saying to her that she's most probably got an advantage over her school colleagues, because she doesn't know just how bad it's going to be. Most confidence inspiring, lol.

mbosnz · 07/05/2019 15:04

Oh, and with the hair - as you say, it sucks when you can't make it better. Unfortunately, to paraphrase the song, 'Let it Grow, Let it Grow'. . .

I'm doing a mean line in hot chocolates, with whipped cream and mini marshmallows, rescue remedy, tisserand aromatherapy roll-on, lavendar bubble baths, and macaroni cheese.

Along with lots of water, fruit, paying a fortune in tuition, and listening to the stress bubble over.

And wine for me.

IrisAtwood · 07/05/2019 15:07

Hate it when they are upset and I can't make it better

I know what you mean, but it’s a good thing for children to face things and build resilience.

QueenofCBA · 07/05/2019 15:13

Teacher here, also going through A levels, GCSEs and Year 10 mocks... I feel your and your dcs’ pain and haven’t slept properly in a while.

From my point of view having a terrible hair cut in exam season is perfect timing! Everybody is hunkering down and looks like a zombie anyway and nobody has time to even notice somebody else’s haircut. By the time the exams are over her hair will be nice again!

This is the time of year where everybody is a hair’s breadth from a nervous breakdown and I constantly channel my inner optimist: We can do this!

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