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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year DD wants to start smoking

26 replies

Pod57 · 03/05/2019 12:09

Hi,
My Dd who is almost 14 admitted to me that she had tried a cigarette, and that she didn't like it much. However, after spending time with friends who smoke she says that she might like to start but not regularly! She knows the dangers of smoking etc, but like all teenagers feels it is cool to do. I don't think coming down hard will be helpful, as I think she would go and do it behind my back any way. Obviously I really dont' want her to start!

Any help gratefully received.
thanks.

OP posts:
Hithere12 · 03/05/2019 12:11

She can’t do it behind your back her clothes would stink of the stuff. You have to be very strict she’s 13.

BarkandCheese · 03/05/2019 12:14

Ask her once she's addicted how she's going to afford to feed her habit. Long term "it's bad for you" doesn't always work at that age, but thinking about the immediate consequences might.

StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2019 12:17

Come down hard
Do you have any relatives who've died of smoking?
She needs to know how addictive it is

Beachbodynowayready · 03/05/2019 12:19

I would suggest to her the absence of her mobile phone would be a good incentive to not smoke...

OhGood · 03/05/2019 12:23

Would she respond to the 'if you want to be a rebel, rebel against the corporations' message? So explain that there are huge multinational corporate companies who want you to try a few cigarettes, get addicted and then slavishly pay them money for the rest of her life? Does she want to make big corporates richer? Does she wanted to be treated as an idiot addict, or can she make her own choices?

Or maybe just a good solid google for images of smokers' teeth, smokers' skin, etc - lots of revolting / terrifying images.

And lots of talk about peer pressure, and having the courage to do her own thing?

Do you know the friends' parents? Could you have a word?
Finally I agree with PP - don't countenance it. Smoking will seriously endanger her health and maybe eventually kill her. Tell her you are responsible for her health and her safety and you will come down like a ton of bricks if you catch her.

Speaking as a former addict who still, 30 years after I started, battle with the demon nicotine...

brownjumper · 03/05/2019 12:28

What they used to do was buy a packet and make the kid smoke all of them one after another! Put them off slightly!!!

Lordamighty · 03/05/2019 12:31

She is 13 where is she going to get the money to pay for them? Stop her pocket money, confiscate her phone, do whatever is necessary to make it difficult to get cigarettes. Choosing to sabotage her health at such a young age will have life changing repercussions for her, step up and don’t hold back.
She may go ahead & smoke anyway but at least you know you tried your best to prevent it.

Missillusioned · 03/05/2019 12:34

Show her pictures of people who have lost teeth due to gum disease.
This is something that is high risk for smokers at a relatively young age, due to circulation issues.
Vanity might influence her where health concerns don't.

Drum2018 · 03/05/2019 12:38

I have told my kids that if they did smoke I would kill them before the cancer sticks could. They have lost 3 grandparents and other relatives to smoking related illnesses and there is just no way I would tolerate it. At 13 you have control over her money so if you think she will start smoking you stop funding her. Show her the reality of smoking - YouTube clips of real people with cancer, diseased lungs etc and see if she still wants to be cool. Teach her that those other children are not cool, but very stupid.

Original poster
Pod57 · 03/05/2019 20:34

Thanks everyone. Very helpful. My gut instinct was to not condone it at all. There are some very useful tips here on how to approach this.
thanks once again.

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 03/05/2019 20:40

The tobacco companies seem to be really going for kids again, forming smoking ‘coolness’ via vaping advertising :(

donajimena · 03/05/2019 20:43

What do you mean your gut instinct is to not to condone it? Did you really have to think about it?

SoupDragon · 03/05/2019 20:45

My gut instinct was to not condone it at all

WTF? Of course you don't condone it. Are you for real?

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 03/05/2019 20:46

Just tell her no Hmm. Your gut instinct was not to condone it at all, but you feared you might be wrong Confused. Is this for real?

RomanyQueen1 · 03/05/2019 20:50

Take her to see a lung, and don't give her the money, they aren't cheap.
I wish somebody had done more to stop me. I was never going to have many, no smoker is.
We all think we'll stop before we get to the state when we are coughing badly. "I'll never get as bad as that" said judgingly.
Nobody starts out smoking 40 a day.
Please do what you can to stop her, educate as much as you can and maybe if you know someone who smokes take them round to their house.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2019 20:54

My DH started smoking at 9, his parents turned a blind eye because his older siblings all smoked and it was easier to ignore. He died a horrifically painful death from lung cancer this year, after it spread to his brain. If my DS showed any inclination towards smoking I would be devastated firstly but wouldn't shy away from the reality of what smoking can do to you - the hideous reality of not being able to fight infection because your lungs are so buggered, not being able to eat, talk, breathe. I don't think it's inevitable that teens think it's cool either, surely living a healthy life is cooler?

HavelockVetinari · 03/05/2019 20:54

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D6HlSYTQM9xc&ved=0ahUKEwjU3bXrkYDiAhVxShUIHUOWBD0Qo7QBCB8wAQ&usg=AOvVaw1TTm3HQn24ptvZVonvTB29" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D6HlSYTQM9xc&ved=0ahUKEwjU3bXrkYDiAhVxShUIHUOWBD0Qo7QBCB8wAQ&usg=AOvVaw1TTm3HQn24ptvZVonvTB29

Original poster
Pod57 · 03/05/2019 20:58

Wow!No need to jump down my throat! Maybe my sentence re 'condoning' it was not what I intended to say. Of course I didn't have to think about it, it was more how to handle the situation. Please don't have a go at me, I'm stressed enough as it is.
Thanks once again for all the helpful comments.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2019 20:59

9?! Ohgretchen I'm so sorry

MrsBertBibby · 03/05/2019 21:06

All teens really don't think smoking is cool, surely? My 15 year old certainly doesn't.

MrsMoastyToasty · 03/05/2019 21:13

Ask her if she wants to lose her vocal chords and the ability to speak. This happened to a close relative who smoked for 50 years.

Teacakeandalatte · 03/05/2019 21:15

My dd loves dogs and one thing that really made her hate the idea of smoking is that it might give your dog nose cancer. Its just a little thing but it got to her. Maybe finding something that has a connection to her life will help.

cucumberandcarrot · 03/05/2019 21:21

Hi OP! Feel for you...
One thing came to my mind....
My dad, when he found out that, my Brother started to smoke, he sat him down in front of a packet of red Marlboro cigs, and made him smoke all 20 of it in one go.
He never smoked after that.

Chelsea567 · 03/05/2019 22:54

Tell her that she'll smell like an old ashtray (make her smell one) and that no boy will want to go out with her because of it.

NorthernSpirit · 04/05/2019 00:10

Stupid girl.

My dad died of lung cancer - a very slow painful death. Not do cool.