Sick of feeling like this.....

[DadOf41984]

I'm a dad of 4. I'm hardworking I have my faults I know my faults and I work on them to be a better person. I'm honest, reliable, I don't drink or smoke, I don't take drugs, I work extremely hard to provide for the family and all in all I'm very understanding and easy going......... But a situation has arisen that's caused a big falling out with my wife. (2nd in a week ). First time that's happens in 10 years. My son has asked to bring his girlfriend to our holiday home which I agreed. We've taken her with us before and it hasn't been a problem. We took her for a UK based holiday for a week last year.

When we got back I found out that her Dad didn't know where she was and they was lying to him where she was ( Mum and Daughter ).

My initial thoughts was I felt let down " what If something would of happened to her, what if she'd of hurt herself " which could of easily happened as it was a theme park holiday. Anyway cut a long story short same situation has arisen this weekend. I thought it had all been sorted and I agreed she could join us. Only thing being he doesn't know she's going with us.

I've raised my concerns with the wife and her response has made me sad and upset. I feel like I don't really know the person I love. She's really made me out to be something of a laughing stock. She's mocked me for having concerns about her dad not knowing where she will be and what if he found out we knew that he didn't know where she was and we stood back and let that happen. In my eyes it's morally wrong and disrespectful. " I've been led to believe he can be a bit overprotective and probably wouldn't of let her come, as a father myself though the decision on her being able to go should of been made by both parents.

My wife's said I'll want a consent form signing for her next and that I'm being pathetic and being a trouble causer. I've not made a massive deal of it and just said ok. Leave it at that. She's carried on verbally attacking me though. In my opinion my morals are correct here and a father should always know where his daughter is as being over protective is better than not being bothered. He may have his reason of being that way " previous experience, loss of family member ". I'm over protective with my sons as one of my sons died very young so as a Dad I get overprotectiveness. I've been made a big of a laughing stock with everyone by the wife and I've seen a side to her that I don't like and it's certainly made me think about her true feelings of me.

Any help. Please

Poor you, for what its worth l agree with you completely, l couldn't take someone elses child on holiday unless both parents had Ok'd it...unless she is over 18.

She's 16 and a very young looking 16 at that.

I agree with you. Yet you don't know if her dad is extremely controlling, or if they are being sneaky. You never know the dynamics in other families.
But you do know your own family, and I would have a chat with your dw. I think her morals are in the wrong here, especially since the girl is underage. But it is not fair that she is making you a laughing stock. You need to be on the same page. Perhaps talk to the girlfriends mother?

There's clearly an issue of some kind with the Dad. I think you're making a bit of a fuss to be honest and what's her being young looking got to do with anything? She 16 no 6! She should be allowed to decide for herself what she wants to do and her Dad sounds difficult. Maybe try to get the root of that rather than chest beating about fathers needing to know where daughters are.

In my opinion my morals are correct here and a father should always know where his daughter is as being over protective is better than not being bothered

Nope.

Update on reason of control and need to know where the was. Issue with past Partner led to overdose at 14

So you'd rather a father not be bothered are you saying or he shouldn't know where she was. Why should I be responsible for a child as a dad when her own father doesn't know where she is. Do you not think that's wrong. If the father wasn't bothered you'd be all over that. It's a lose lose in your opinion

I think at 16 she should mostly be able to decide where she spends her time especially when it's in a situation as benign as this and the fact that she's lied means her "overprotective" Dad is probably a lot more controlling than protective. I think being over protective is never a good thing.

Her MUM knows where she is, a PARENT is aware. There's a reason they don't want Dad to know and I'd be considering that rather than talking about dad's "rights" to know where their almost adult children are.

I think your wife is unfair to make fun of you and in the wrong morally, that being said there could be reasons the father is not being told, at least one parent knows which is better than most at her age! It's a difficult one...