Advice needed re:dd (14)

8 replies

AnaS · 02/05/2019 21:57

I was called into school today by the safeguarding lead! Someone reported that dd had been coerced into taking part in some intimate behaviour with a boy in her year. He wasn’t her boyfriend but they had hung out in the past. She said he insisted that she had promised to ‘toss him off’! She said she didn’t but she went with him as he was insistent. Apparently there was kissing and stuff. I think it was just fumbling - definitely no sex! The school said we could involve the police but dd doesn’t want to. The teacher has put the fear of God in him apparently! She just wants the girls at school to stop going on about it. A boy was suspended today for something unpleasant that he was heard calling dd. She really doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow but I think she needs to face it. She doesn’t want me to tell dh as he’ll go crazy at school and this boy!! I’m struggling with this decision!

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Mintandthyme · 02/05/2019 21:59

You absolutely need to tell your husband. He is her parent too.

aibutohavethisusername · 02/05/2019 23:04

I think you need to tell him.

Alone1971 · 03/05/2019 07:43

Yep. Get in out in the open. Deal with it and move on.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/05/2019 07:45

I don't think you can keep such a big thing secret from your husband.
You need to speak to him alone and tell him he needs to control his reaction and keep calm.

Angelicinnocent · 03/05/2019 11:43

Has she gone to school OP?

mcmen71 · 03/05/2019 13:48

Tell your dh no good will come out of you keeping it a secret. You need to sit down the 3 of you together and discuss was she forced into it or was it boy girl going with each other situation, does she like the boy.
My dd1 was assaulted at a teen disco by a boy at xmas he slapped her accross the face and posted it on socia media so I had to get police involved just to warn him off but i didnt press charges. She knew the boy. Hugs to your dd.

Lentils · 03/05/2019 15:17

Your poor DD! It's sure to be a nightmare at school and based on my experience she will be slut-shamed mercilessly by girls as well as boys. Give her lots of support, don't come down on her for "being weak" but work on strategies to help her say no should it happen again. Tread carefully because she will also be feeling embarrassed about all the adult attention.

Original poster

AnaS · 03/05/2019 17:22

Thanks for all your replies. Dd hasn’t gone to school. I was at work early this morning and she was texting me - don’t make me go! And I don’t feel safe! This forced me to talk to dh as he needed to know why she didn’t want to go.
He’s done really well. He immediately said she’s not going and he went in to find out what the school are going to do. He was very calm (surprisingly!)
Dd is now less worried about what happened than what is happening at school. Apparently a friend has told her that this boy is angry at her. And lentils is right the ‘slut-shaming’ seems to be a thing.
I will take the opportunity of the long weekend to have a talk about coping mechanisms around this. Thanks again

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